In our present moment, it feels inevitable that if we allow our minds to rest, to wander where they will, we’ll be flooded with fear and anxiety. Better to keep busy, better to have something to distract us from the present difficulties and future unknowns. 

I’ve got my to-do list in front of me. Today is a good day: I’m ticking off the things I’ve scheduled to do, even in the time I wanted to do them. Quarantine success, here I come.

I’ve seen the memes, the inspirational messages, and I know what is expected. Famous people throughout history accomplished incredible things during periods of isolation. Scientific discoveries, classic works of literature — this is what is possible, I’m told, if I can only embrace the isolation, hunker down, and get to work. I can’t let this time go to waste.

I’m not the only one expected to be even more productive than usual. In the past three weeks (for some of you, it’s been longer), I’ve scrolled through my news feed to find countless projects, virtual learning experiences, tutorials, lessons, crafts — the list goes on. Every corner of the internet has something to offer my homebound children, things entertaining and productive, guaranteed to make the most of the time we’re stuck at home.

At the end of this, we should have something to show: a work of art, a new skill, a project completed, an intellect grown. To be sure, many of the resources on offer are fantastic. And I’m taking a deep breath because of the extra space in my weekly schedule. Indeed, as I’ve read from others, who knows what possibilities this limitation of movement will open up for us?

Yet — can I allow myself and my children to give up being productive or educated or entertained for even a small amount of time? Can I allow us to be bored? To be unessential? To rest?

Boredom is not without risks. Even before the cancellation of much of my calendar, I noticed that unscheduled moments, empty of a specific goal or task, left me restless. Anxious, almost. Was I sure I hadn’t missed something? Wasn’t there something I should be doing? Something I should be accomplishing? Some progress to make? Aren’t I supposed to be redeeming the time?

In our present moment, it feels inevitable that if we allow our minds to rest, to wander where they will, we’ll be flooded with fear and anxiety. Better to keep busy, better to have something to distract us from the present difficulties and future unknowns.

Focusing on a book, giving myself space and time to let my mind wander where it will, considering the things around me and looking for God’s work in them — I’m finding all of these things to be more difficult in the present moment. Some of this is the reality of facing a world that has shifted under our feet. The lack of external stability leaves us in a perpetual balancing act, trying to find equilibrium.

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