The family is the most foundational institution on earth. God established it before the church or civil government. The family is the mechanism through which God planned for humanity to continue beyond Adam and Eve. Headed by one man and one woman united to one another by the covenant of marriage, the family is the environment designed by God for the nurture of children.

As we close out this Fatherhood Month series, we return to the Andrew Tate phenomenon that is impacting teen guys in our churches, with which we began this series. Tate is a former kickboxing champion-turned-social-media-influencer who has become so popular among young men for his views on masculinity that he has ten million followers on X. Tate’s message to our rising sons about marriage typifies the anti-family messages and policies coming out of Hollywood, progressive government leaders, the media, academia, and corporate America that are impacting our guys. University of VA Researcher, Brad Wilcox, describes Tate’s influence in his excellent book, Get Married. He writes:

“The biggest voice in the online manosphere today—with more than twelve billion views on TikTok alone—is no fan of marriage. Andrew Tate, former kick boxer, who has been described as the ‘king of toxic masculinity,’ has made it clear that he does not think much of our oldest social institution. ‘The problem is, there is zero advantage to marriage for a man,’ said Tate. ‘There is zero statistical advantage. If you use your mind, if you use your head instead of your heart, and you look at the advantages to getting married, there are absolutely none.’” 

But the facts discovered in Wilcox’s research show that Tate is dead wrong. The facts show, for example, that:

• Both men and women who get and stay married accumulate much greater wealth than people who don’t marry.
• Married men and women with families report more meaningful lives compared with their single and childless peers.
• Couples who take a “we-before-me” approach to married life, for instance sharing joint checking accounts—are happier and less divorce-prone than couples who do not.
• Couples who form “family-first” marriages—with frequent date nights, family fun time and chores done with the kids—enjoy the happiest marriages.

This episode shows how my book, Men Helping Sons, is written to attract our sons to marriage by presenting the biblical worldview of its glorious design.

The Biblical worldview of civilization reveals God’s design for marriage to be the foundation of civilization. To begin with, God’s design of Adam and Eve to complete each other in the loving union of marriage is God’s fundamental purpose for creating humankind—that is, to bear the image of the Triune God. Furthermore, in Genesis, the institution of marriage is given before the institutions of the church or civil government. For this reason, it should not surprise us that marriage and the sexual union that are fundamental to it are under assault by God’s enemy. As protectors of our families, assisting them to take captive every thought making it obedient to the truth revealed in Christ (2 Cor 10:4-5), we must counter the anti-family cultural forces that undermine the glory of God’s design of marriage and the family. Here is a summary of chapter four of Men Helping Sons.

Chapter 4: God’s Creation Design of Marriage

Discuss: Both. As you consider what you’ve heard or know about marriage, why do you think God invented it? What do you think an ideal marriage would look like?

Note: Of course, marriage involves sex, a topic that is embarrassing and private. There are no questions in this section that ask you to reveal private matters. In fact, the leader, not the son is assigned to read all of the section, “The Bible’s High View of Sex.”

Four Biblical Purposes of Marriage

A. A fundamental purpose of the male-female love union in marriage is to reflect the image of God. God exists as the Trinity, the union of three persons who love one another, which is why John tells us that God is love. So, God creates an image of himself—the being called “man.” But that single being “man” exists as the union of two persons, male and female. Notice the way the use of the singular and plural for man parallels God as both singular and plural. Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…’ So, God created man in his own imagine, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Each gender is designed with deficiencies that only their opposite-gendered spouse can meet. Thus, through the union of marriage, male and female complete what is lacking in the other and, in their union, bear the image of God.

Discuss: Both. Since God designed manhood and womanhood to be incomplete without the other gender, why don’t we celebrate this interdependence and value the other gender more?

B. A second purpose for marriage is revealed in Genesis 2:18, where marriage is designed by God as the remedy for the aloneness of Adam. The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Each part of the creation narrative closes with God’s statement: “And it was GOOD,” until the creation of man. After Adam is created, God says. “It is NOT GOOD that man should be alone. In naming the animals, Adam realizes that none can be a true partner to him. They cannot alleviate his loneliness. So, God creates woman to be his partner, soulmate, and lover.

God’s plan to eliminate loneliness is for marriage partners to pursue LOVING INTIMACY. Eve is created with a spirit, heart, and body which correspond to Adam’s (“bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”). Genesis 2:24-25 gives the familiar portrait of marriage; Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Notice this two-step description of marriage. It is first the joining of lives. The man leaves his father and mother and joins lives with his wife. They share their ideas (minds), their decisions (will), and their feelings (emotions). Then this joining of lives is celebrated by the joining of bodies in sex.

As a gesture symbolic of personal trust and surrender, it requires a setting or structure of perfect surrender in which to take place. It requires the security of the most perfect of reassurances and commitments in which two people enter, which is no other than the loving contract of marriage.

Discuss: Both. How does this paragraph compare to the way sex is portrayed in movies, TV shows, and social media?

So, marriage is the joining of both lives and bodies. But the text doesn’t end there. It continues, pointing to the objective that marriage is intended to achieve. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Marriage is the one safe arena where husband and wife are naked, body, soul, and spirit—laid bare and vulnerable to each other. Adam and Eve’s like natures, combined with their covenant pledge of unconditional love, makes safe the experience of baring their hearts and bodies to one another. It enables them to experience loving intimacy, i.e. oneness of spirit, oneness of heart, oneness of body that sex is designed to promote.

The Biblical design for loving intimacy in marriage requires the pursuit of BOTH oneness of soul and oneness of body. Joining bodies in sex apart from joining lives in marriage is wrong. But so is joining lives in marriage without joining bodies in sex. Biblically, body and soul belong together. Christians don’t just share the gospel, they feed the hungry. 

Read More