Michael Horton: The chicken was forsaking the kingdom of this world to live solely in the Kingdom of Christ.

John Frame: The chicken had an existential need to change its situation according to a new norm.

The answer to this question is obviously related to your theological-philosophical-ontological positions.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Greg Boyd: It’s a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.

Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.

Mark Driscoll: Because of the rooster’s leadership.

Rachel Held Evans: We’re talking about chickens here, not pigs.

Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.

John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.

Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.

C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.

Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.

Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.

Universalist: All chickens cross the road.

Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.

Fred Phelps: God hates chickens.

Martin Luther: The chicken was leaving Rome.

Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.

Harold Camping: Don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched.

James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.

John Wesley: The chicken’s heart was strangely warmed.

Thomas: I won’t believe the chicken crossed unless I see it with my own eyes.

Philip: The chicken teleported to the other side.

Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.

Responses above came from the blog of Kevin Jackson; those that follow are a few from his friends (check out more at his blog page)

Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so they he could be all that God created him to be.

Roger Olson: The chicken recognizes no clear evangelical boundries.

TD Jakes: A manifestation of the Chicken crossed the road for his blessings.

Driscoll: A “bleeping” chicken crossed the road to go get a beer.

Jim Wallis: The poor chicken was fleeing fundamentalists.

Gary Demar: The chicken was fleeing the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70. That’s it.

Jim Wallis: The chicken is an organizer for Occupy Barnyard.

Emergent: For this chicken, its not the destination that’s important. Its the journey itself.

Christian Pacifist: This is clearly an act of barnyard aggression that is condemned in the Sermon on the Mount.

N.T. Wright: This act of the chicken, which would be unthinkable in British barnyards, reeks of that American individualism that is destructive to community.

Al Mohler: When a chicken begins to think theologically, he has no other alternative but to come over to the Calvinist side.

Freud: This whole exercise is obviously driven by chicken envy

Michael Horton: The chicken was forsaking the kingdom of this world to live solely in the Kingdom of Christ.

John Frame: The chicken had an existential need to change its situation according to a new norm.

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