It is also troubling to hear that these girls are ”giving their virginity to their fathers to protect.” A father is there to protect more than just a girls virginity. A girl is more than just their sexuality. A father needs to protect her heart, her mind, her emotions, her time. He needs to keep her accountable to do her devotions, homework, chores, etc. He needs to guide her attitude and actions. But raising a godly woman is supremely more than just raising a virgin.
So our family was relaxing on Saturday night. There were toys on the floor still, and dishes waiting to be put in the dishwasher. But we were not worrying too much. It would get done. I have noticed that the time change has left me with the feeling that we still have more time, that it is not as late as it really is.
Well, my husband received a text from a man in our church saying that we need to watch Nightline Prime right away. The episode was about “Girls’ Purity Balls” and this is a growing trend in many super conservative Christian circles.
I was surprised by the opulence and grandeur, but not by the theme.
I received the Lord, at 19 years old and began to go to church. That same year the church I was going to held a purity conference for the young girls. It was complete with a testimony of shame, and a testimony of victory. It had fancy tooling and candles. It had croissant sandwiches and tea. And it ended with a cheap metal purity ring that enclosed a rolled up contract for my purity.
This isn’t new. And I will say, that for a girl who did not grow up in the church, and did not walk with the Lord, I was very blessed at 19 years old to hear that God washes away all our sins and makes us white as snow. But the focus of the event that I went to is that my virginity and purity is a matter of my heart, and that it is between me and my God.
My church never taught me that my father on earth is the keeper of my virginity. And while I think that many Christian young women have wonderful fathers that teach them the word of God, and pray with them, and disciple them–how can any earthly father replace the Holy Spirit in a girls heart when it comes to purity? An earthly father can only set up rules.
And what happens when the young girl breaks her “vows” she made at the purity ball. Does her guilt before God get replaced by a lesser sorrow of, “Oh no, I let my dad down!”
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
(2 Corinthians 7:10)
A purity ball has so many seemingly beautiful elements. The girls are dressed up, treated like princesses that they are, they are celebrated, and they are honored by their fathers. That is great. In fact, fathers need to step up. More fathers need to take a vested interest in their daughters, and in their spirituality. I applaud fathers who are stepping into their God given roles for the family, who lead in love and speak truth and the Word of God into their children.
But in a couple ways this purity movement seems troubling to me. Here are a few statements that seem like they could play into unhealthy father daughter relationships:
“Our daughters are women. They thrive in beauty; they are representative of beauty in all of creation . . . What I hear from these young ladies is that there is that need for a physical touch, and from a male being.” (Randy Wilson)
He goes on to imply that a father can fill that need for affection and physical touch. There is nothing wrong with a father dancing with or hugging his daughter; girls need hugs from dad. That is wonderful, but I don’t like hearing a dad talk about his daughter having needs for physical touch from a man, and for the father to be that man.
I also really don’t agree that the Bible teaches ”You are Married to the Lord and Your Daddy is Your Boyfriend” Your dad cannot be your boyfriend. He won’t ever fill that void and desire in a young girls life. And to say that it should is deceptive and arrogant. Cynthia McFadden from ABC even said, it is Freudian. The girls vow to never date or kiss a boy until marriage. While I think that there is nothing wrong with choosing to deny recreational dating, and to set up boundaries to prevent tempting situations, this may be legalistic.
There was a part of the episode where the girls said, “I don’t need a boyfriend, because I have my dad.” and the girls’ mom added, “And Jesus.” And the girl said forgetfully, “Yeah, and Jesus.” I love the idea of a young girl finding her satisfaction in Jesus Christ. But I don’t think it is healthy for a girl to think of her father as her boyfriend. Only Jesus can satisfy that need for love that a girl has, especially during the teen years when the temptation to make idols out of the handsome boys around them is so strong.