Those who don’t buy into the deception and who aren’t willing to “move on” from this “minor indiscretion” are labeled as unforgiving, self-righteous, and a lot of other ugly pious words. Oftentimes, offenders don’t even have to carry out this dirty work themselves. By this step in the process, a growing number of deceived sympathizers have stepped forward to use all forms of spiritual guilt in attempt to silence those who aren’t being deceived. 

“I’m ready to be put this all behind me and to continue reaching for my dreams of filmmaking and in music.”

Those were the recent words of Brandon Milburn, a former youth minister, as he pleaded with a judge for a lenient sentence after being convicted of seven counts of child sexual abuse involving two eleven year old boys.   His pleas were echoed by supporters who came to court to proclaim his innocence. One even remarked, “I do not believe he is a predator. I love Brandon; my children love Brandon. If Brandon was released today, he would be welcome to come and live in my home.”

Fortunately, the prosecutor reminded the judge, “In the sentencing advisory report, the defendant minimizes his activities, his offenses against the boys in this case, and actually denies there are other victims.” Ultimately, the judge decided that Brandon Milburn should spend the next 25 years reaching for his dreams inside the walls of a prison.

Sexual offenders have perfected a grand deception that sadly seems to work all too well inside faith communities. This deception twists truth, minimizes abuse, and exploits guilt in order to create a fictional narrative that paints the offender as the victim and those who accuse and confront as perpetrators of injustice. Unfortunately, too many fail to realize that this deceptive narrative is fiction.

A few months ago, I had a conversation with a couple, who recently learned that their son had been sexually victimized by a popular young man in the church. Upon confronting the offender with this crime, these parents came face to face with this grand deception. Here is how it works:

Step One – “I am a victim.” When confronted about sexually abusing a child, offenders will immediately and tearfully disclose that they too were victimized as a child and never had the opportunity to get help.   In an effort to sound credible, the offender may not necessarily be referring to sexual abuse since the objective is simply to be seen as a victim. Do you see the grand deception at work? Offenders simultaneously take the spotlight off of their own wretched acts while subtly eliciting sympathy from their confronters. Sadly, this initial step of the grand deception can be extremely successful, especially with the broader congregation. Being seen as a victim will often fuel the needed sympathies and doubts of congregations who struggle with accepting a reality that seems all too dark and unbelievable.

Step Two – “It’s not as bad as it sounds.” The next step of the grand deception is to minimize the wrongfulness of the acts committed.

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