What happens when believers struggle with sexual sin? The Westminster Confession of Faith states that believers can enter into serious sins and to continue in those sins.

On February 15th, the former chief of the Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section of the U.S. Department of Justice, Patrick A. Trueman, launched Pornography Harms, a website dedicated to providing the most accurate peer-reviewed research on the harm from pornography. For believers, the conclusion that pornography harms seems self-evident. In Matthew 5, Jesus makes clear that not only the physical act of adultery is sinful, but fantasizing about adultery is, as well. However, in our increasingly hyper-sexualized culture that seeks to normalize pornography use and validate almost any sexual expression as permissible, we do well to review the damage porn use causes in marriages and families.

Reality
Patrick Carnes has written, “Addiction is an illness of escape [from reality).”(1) Those who have become compulsive users of pornography live much of their lives in a kind of fog. They organize their lives so that they can create opportunities to look at porn and act out, which enable them to escape the pain of their lives. Most churches are already dealing with this problem.

In 2006, the Family Safe Media reports, some 4.2 million pornographic websites were in existence, which amounted to approximately 12% of all websites. They estimate that 42% of all internet users will visit pornographic websites. Twenty percent of men and thirteen percent of women admit to accessing pornography at work.(2) Further, a 2003 Focus on the Family poll reported that 47% of those Christians they surveyed indicated that porn use was a problem in their home. (3)

A 2000 Journal of Adolescent Health article showed that teens who have a prolonged exposure to pornography experience a number of consequences, including: an exaggerated perception of sexual activity in society, a belief that promiscuity is normal, cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners, and belief that marriage is sexually confining. (4)

Someone who is wondering how serious their struggle with sexual sin is may find help in the self-assessment found at: http://newlifearticles.com/2004/10/the-new-life-ministries-sex-addict-test/ [Editor’s note: the original URL (link) referenced is no longer valid, so the link has been removed.]

What happens when believers struggle with sexual sin? The Westminster Confession of Faith states that believers can enter into serious sins and to continue in those sins. As a result, they grieve the Holy Spirit and experience a hardened heart. They hurt others and experience consequences of their sins.

In working with believers who struggle with sexual sin, they doubt the promises of God’s Word concerning salvation. They feel like they are unlovable. They are ashamed of what they have done/are doing and are afraid to tell anyone about their struggle. They doubt that other believers will understand. They are certain that, if discovered, their spouses will leave them and they will lose everything important to them. The guilt they feel leads to intense self-loathing, which leads to deep-seated anger that often explodes again family members and others. This deepens the shame and self-loathing, which is a trigger to go back and seek relief through acting out again.

Remedy

Ed Welch’ observes: “Even when we know the truth, we don’t always want it to guide our lives… when our desires conflict with Scripture, human beings do not always live according to what we say we believe.”(5) Welch argues that believers who struggle with compulsive sin “feel like they are trapped and out of control. (6)

For church leaders and members, several important steps can be taken to help those struggling with sexual sin. First, we need to reinforce biblical expectations for Christian living. For example, we must remember that our struggle with sin is life-long. Yes, as we abide in Christ and actively battle temptation, we can experience victory over sin. However, we will face temptations in all its forms until Christ takes us home. We also need to remind each other that God is most interested in our dependence upon Him—2 Corinthians 12:8-10. He hasn’t promised to deliver us from temptation, but has promised a way of escape from it—1 Corinthians 10:13.

Most importantly, we need to provide allies for those who are struggling. In his instructions on spiritual warfare (1 Corinthians 10:3-5), Paul emphasizes that believers need each other to “demolish strongholds”—“the weapons we fight with . . . we demolish . . . we take captive.” Sexual sin is most certainly a stronghold. Sinners would like to battle sin like Rambo, but there are no Rambo’s in God’s army. Men’s and women’s ministries can provide such a place by creating groups that address sexual issues specifically.

In these groups, believers can help each other rigorously apply the Gospel. We are not seeking to obey the Bible in order to enter heaven. We are seeking to follow Christ because we are His, we possess the Word and the Spirit that give us power to obey, and we reflect His glory as we are enabled to obey. Instead of escaping the reality of moral failure, we need to direct sinners back to the Cross in order to deal with the reality of moral failure.

Ramifications

Most churches need help in addressing compulsive sexual sin. Leaders and members can begin by reading Every Man’s Battle, Every Woman’s Battle, or Ed Welch’s Addictions book.

Youth leaders may find help in Every Young Man’s/Woman’s Battle. Leaders may also want to do research to discover what local counselors or support groups, such as Celebrate Recovery, may be available.

Believers can challenge each other to exercise care in their personal conduct. Suggestive conversation, flirting, and immodesty may well be stumbling blocks to others who are secretly struggling with this sin.

Just as Jesus extended grace to the woman caught in adultery, so we need to show grace to those who have become ensnared in sexual sin. We are not condoning this sin, but we are demonstrating God’s abiding love to those who disbelieve that He is still interested in loving them. The parable of the prodigal son is a powerful reminder of our Father’s love.

(1) Patrick Carnes, Facing the Shadow

(2) http://www.familysafe.com/pornography_statistics.html

(3) http://www.covenanteyes.com/help_and_support/pdfs/Covenant%2OEyes%20Pronography%20Statistics.pdf

(4) ibid.

(5) Edward T. Welch, Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave, p. 7.

(6) ibid, p. 11

Jim Phillis is an ordained teaching elder (Minister) in the Western Carolina presbytery of the PCA. Since 2004, Jim has been serving out of bounds with New Life Ministries in a variety of roles relating to the Every Man’s Battle workshop. You may contact Jim at [email protected].
http://www.everymansbattle.com/findhelp/newlifeevents.html