In the past month, what have you heard from those you love? Divorce, loneliness, layoffs, cancer, parenting struggles, disappointment, betrayal, conflict? Everyone we love will hurt and suffer. While we feel compassion, we often find ourselves at a loss for what to do. Whether it’s a struggling spouse, a grieving friend, or a hurting member in our church, we want to help, but we’re unsure of the best approach. We walk a fine line between giving people space and showing up, between speaking truth and offering a listening ear. We fear doing or saying the wrong thing. It’s difficult to navigate. So, how do we help those who are suffering? How can we grow in showing up with love and wisdom?

How Does God Want Us Involved with Those Who Are Suffering?

First, consider what God desires for you when you have suffered.

Paul reminds us that God is “the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Cor. 1:3–4).

In ALL your affliction, God wants to comfort you.

But what does comfort mean? When we think of comfort, we think of something enveloping—comfort food normally means something dripping in melted cheese, a comfortable blanket surrounds us with its softness, we sink deeply into a comfy chair. These images give us a sense of being surrounded and covered.

This is exactly what God wants to do in your suffering. He wants to totally surround you in His care. He is the God of all comfort.

And this is how He wants us to be involved with others. God’s method is giving comfort to His people and then giving comfort through His people.

What Kind of Comfort Can We Give to Those Who Are Suffering?

As we experience and reflect on all the diverse ways God has comforted us in our suffering, we become equipped to offer the same comfort to others. Consider the variety of ways God has comforted us and how this directs our comfort to others.

1. Seeing

God: There is no secret pain. You never suffer alone in the dark. God sees your pain (Psalm 31:7), hurt, difficulty, and disappointment. You are not overlooked or ignored. His eyes are on you.

Our call: Distraction and self-concern are easy. Sometimes we are so busy, we miss the suffering of others in front of us. We miss the tear in the eye, the sullen face, or the absence. We must begin by developing eyes to see one another (Phil. 2:4, Prov. 22:9).

2. Caring

God: God is not apathetic or cold to your pain. When God introduces Himself, one of the main ways He describes Himself is by telling us He is compassionate (Exod. 34:6)!  Jesus wept when He saw the suffering of those He loves. It’s not different for you. He deeply feels your pain and sorrow. He cares (1 Pet. 5:8); He is filled with compassion.

Our call: Our goal shouldn’t simply be to make others feel better (Prov. 25:20); maybe we need to feel worse! We must enter into their pain, weeping with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). We don’t dismiss or offer petty encouragement like saying, “It could be worse,” or “It will all work out.” We start where God does, feeling deeply with compassion (Col. 3:12).

3. Touching

God: The Bible gives images of God holding on to us (Isa. 41:10), metaphors to convey that God is not distant. And in the incarnation we get more than metaphor. Jesus comes in flesh and often expresses His care for those suffering through physical touch (Mark 8:22).