“Marriage takes grace. On our own we are selfish sinners. It is only as we are strengthened by God’s Word through His Spirit that we can endure in love. We do not have the power to keep loving in our own strength. Jesus said that if we abide in him we will bear much fruit, but apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:5).”

What Must Be Done to Protect a Marriage?

Almost every marriage begins with joy as newlyweds anticipate sharing life together. Sadly, not all couples live happily ever after. A large percentage of marriages end in divorce. Other couples remain married, but drift apart emotionally due to bitterness or mutual indifference. They share a name and a home, but not a life. What can a couple do to preserve the joyful loving intimacy of their marriage? Consider these seven gospel-centered principles…

1. Do Not Take Each Other for Granted

Couples who are courting or engaged spend every spare minute together and can’t bear to be apart for long. But often after they are married each gets so caught up in career, children, hobbies, sports and other activities that the marriage relationship is neglected. Very gradually the couple drifts apart. While there may not be much open conflict, the spark is missing. The wife may notice that something is wrong only to have her husband tell her that she is worried over nothing.

A new marriage, like a new car, needs regular maintenance. It may look and work great today, but if you don’t maintain it, sooner or later it will break down. A husband and wife need to spend time growing closer to one another and enjoying one another. Work harder at romance after your marriage than before. Seeking to grow in intimacy year by year will protect your marriage from falling into disrepair.

2. Make Your Personal Walk with the Lord a Priority

Marriage takes grace. On our own we are selfish sinners. It is only as we are strengthened by God’s Word through His Spirit that we can endure in love. We do not have the power to keep loving in our own strength. Jesus said that if we abide in him we will bear much fruit, but apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:5).

When couples with troubled marriages come to us I typically ask each of them about their prayer and devotional life. In almost every case I have found a correlation between the lack of a vibrant personal walk with the Lord and a failing marriage. We need Scripture’s constant reminders of God’s grace to us which, in turn, motivates us to show grace to others. As we walk in the Spirit we don’t carry out the destructive deeds of the flesh, but instead bear the fruit of the Holy Spirit. (Gal. 5:16-23). If something is not right with your relationship with your spouse, start to address it by first making sure things are right between you and the Lord.

3. Remain Involved in a Strong Church

God blesses and strengthens His people through the ministry of the church, both through the public preaching of the Word and as the members of the body build one another up (Ephesians 4:11-16). The neglect of gathering with the people of God is to the detriment of your soul and to your family (Hebrews 10:25). It also is important for a couple to be in a strong church so that they can benefit from counsel and accountability if their relationship has trouble. I have heard families who have benefited from this kind of faithful pastoral care say, “We don’t know what we would have done if this church hadn’t been here for us.” I also have seen many families who are in the midst of a crisis suffer because they didn’t have godly church leaders caring for their souls (Hebrews 13:17).

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