Adopted children come with a variety of stories. Some may have been abused or neglected. Some may have witnessed and experienced horrific and traumatic things. Some may have developmental delays or a physical disability. Whatever their stories are, they are not our business unless the parents choose to tell us. But we have to be respectful of whatever unique needs they have.

Often, when I think of a courtroom, I think of judgment, brokenness and sadness. As a social worker, I sat in court to support a rape victim as she gave her testimony against her rapist. As a counselor, I sat in court to speak on behalf of juvenile offenders. I’ve even sat in court as part of a jury selection for a heinous crime.

But there was one time I sat in a courtroom for a joyous reason. That day was the culmination of years of prayer. It was one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever witnessed. I listened intently as the judge declared that three children standing before him were taking on the name of one of my dearest friends. They had been adopted.

The Beauty of Adoption

Most of us know someone who was adopted or who has adopted a child. According to the U.S. State Department, more than 7,000 children were adopted from other countries in 2013. Over 50,000 children were adopted in the U.S. in the same year. And there are millions of orphans around the world still without a place to call home.

There are international adoptions, domestic adoptions through private agencies and domestic adoptions through the foster care system. People adopt infants, children and teenagers. Some are perfectly healthy, and others require constant medical attention.  But all adoptions are a beautiful picture of the grace of God for us in Christ. “He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will” (Ephesians 1:5).

The church should rejoice in adoption. We should celebrate when members of our churches take a child into their home and make them part of their family. We should encourage and support them in whatever way we can. After all, the church is commanded to look after the needs of orphans (James 1:27). But sadly, adoptive parents often find the church to be the least supportive organization.

There are many things about adoption — the process, the motivations and the means — that we don’t understand. It’s unfamiliar to us. Sometimes, because we don’t understand something, we may unwittingly ignore the challenges and hurdles adoptive families face. We may neglect to reach out and offer help and support. As a result, adoptive families are left feeling isolated in their churches. In the place where they ought to receive the most encouragement, they often feel the most alone.

In an effort to help churches understand adoption and the needs of adoptive families, I want to share a few things I’ve learned over the years from many different friends and families I know who have adopted. As I’ve walked beside these friends in their journey, I’ve seen firsthand the challenges, joys, sorrows, healing, pain and beauty of the adoption process.

1. Our Words Matter: You know all the strange and inappropriate things people say and do when they think a woman is pregnant? We can say and do equally strange and inappropriate things to adoptive parents. The truth is, the words we use matter.

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