It can be easy to keep your prayers at a surface level out of fear of admitting weaknesses or because you’ve practiced covering up in other conversations. Yet God already fully knows you, he’ll never sin against you, and he wants to help you.

One of my closest friends moved across the country. I’ve learned that in long-distance friendships, every bit of communication matters. Our steady stream of texts and short voice memos is the glue that holds our relationship together. Meanwhile, our extended phone calls (when our schedules align) are what deepen and strengthen the relationship.

Every Christian’s relationship with God thrives with similar habits. A healthy prayer life involves a steady stream of shorter communications (brief prayers throughout the day), paired with more intimate and extensive conversations (unhurried times of solitude with God).

Jesus modeled both forms. Sometimes he’d send up a brief prayer like “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34; see Mark 15:34; Luke 10:21, 23:46; John 11:41–42; 12:27). On other occasions, he set aside extended time to pray—even praying all night (Luke 6:12–13; see 5:16; John 17:1–26).

Many Christians are comfortable with short prayers in moments of need (“Lord, let this meeting go well”) but struggle with extended prayer. How do you use that time? What do you talk to God about?

Consider five habits or mindsets that can enrich your extended times of prayer.

1. Relax and enjoy your Father’s presence.

When I was 8, my dad took me to work with him in Chicago. On his lunch break, we got McDonald’s, sat on a curb, and looked at the city. I don’t think we talked much, but it’s one of my favorite memories from my childhood—simply because I was there with my dad, enjoying his presence and love.

Prayer is, first and foremost, being in our Father’s presence. One of the most common hindrances to prayer is the fear of not “doing it right,” like a student hesitant to attempt a tricky math problem. Yet prayer is about cherishing a relationship, not cracking a formula. It’s not the eloquence of our words but the posture of our hearts that the Lord considers (see Pss. 51:17; 62:8; Isa. 29:13; Hos. 6:6; Matt. 6:7; Luke 18:10–14).

I love Dane Ortlund’s words: “Go to him. All that means is, open yourself up to him. Let him love you.” Prayer begins with simply going to your Father and resting in his love. Like any loving father, God isn’t critiquing you. He isn’t counting how many spiritual-sounding words you use. He simply wants to be with you.

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