If we want to have all the children in our worship services, we must make it accessible–even desirable–for young children to be in the service instead of children’s church. We must help our congregation to be welcoming and thankful for the presence of children–rather than being bothered by them. The pastor must be the cheerleader for children from the pulpit. Diffuse the irritation of the noise of a crying or complaining child from the pulpit!

The closest I’ve ever come to breaking a bone was when I was in 9th grade, and it happened, of all places, at church! Some friends and I were in the back parking lot of the church building. We were walking along the fence railing atop the retaining wall. On one side of this railing was a short 4 foot drop to the parking lot; on the other side was a 30 foot plunge to the bottom of a ravine. As my friends and I were walking along the top of this railing, I lost my balance, and couldn’t regain control. I realized that I was going to fall into the ravine, and so to control the fall, I jumped with all my might towards a pine tree growing from the ravine. That skinny pine tree didn’t keep me from falling, but I was able to control and slow my fall. When I hit the ground far below I had not broken anything, but it sure did hurt!

I share this story because as I think about my time in pastoral ministry, I realize more and more that ministry is very often a balancing act between the ideal and the real. For so many aspects of ministry there is a tension between the ideal that we are taught in seminary and at conferences and then the real-world experience of dealing with contemporary congregations and unchurched neighbors. As far as my recent experience in ministry is concerned, the area in which this balancing act has been most felt is in the area of our ministry to children in the church; namely, what should we do with young children during times of public worship?

I have been a member of, and served in, churches that have fallen off on both sides of the spectrum: On one hand, there is the church with no nursery, no children’s church (or worship training) and even the infants are in public worship because (supposedly) that’s “what the Bible says.” On the other hand, there are the churches where no children under the age of 11 are ever seen in public worship because (supposedly) “they just can’t sit still that long;” “kids can’t pay attention to a 30 or 40 min. sermon,” and “their parents are distracted by them.” Like me, most of you have probably rested your ministry somewhere between those two extremes. In other words, you’ve had to balance without falling to injury! I’d like to share how I’ve found balance in my ministry between the Biblical ideal of children being under the ministry of the Word in public worship and the practical reality of our cultural perceptions and expectations.

The Biblical Ideal

During my time in seminary, debating with fellow students at coffee shops about “how to do ministry,” the issue of what to do with our children during the worship service was absolutely clear.  Public Worship is the main activity of the church gathered together, and our children are called to be involved in this vital part of life in God’s family (Deut. 31:12-13). During Public Worship our children partake of the means of grace. God establishes and builds up his people through preaching (Rom 10:14) and reading (1 Tim 4:13) of the Bible, the sacraments (Mat 28:19-20), and public prayer (Acts 2:42). Our children benefit from these means, and we should be very cautious about withholding them from our children, especially when Jesus himself calls children into his presence (Luke 18:16). Moreover, our children will have a more robust picture of life as a Christian when they see what Christianity looks like at home and at church–especially when they experience the parts of church life that don’t cater to their childish interests. There are aspects of Christianity that are challenging, and it is good for our children to experience such things! Sending our children out of the service under the assumption that “they won’t understand” or “get anything out of it” is–if we’re honest with ourselves–born out of a selfish desire for a break from them during the service, or out of a misplaced presumption that they have a shallow faith.

The Cultural Reality

While I believe that the Scriptures teach that children should be in Public Worship, there are certain cultural realities which make pastoral faithfulness in this area a complicated balancing act. If a church is to be out-reaching, a worshiping community where believers are built up in the Gospel and non–Christians can come to hear the Gospel, then we must acknowledge that the Biblical ideal for children does not readily mesh with our 21 Century American culture. First, there are very few communities outside of the church which expect young children to sit still and quietly for long periods of time. So when our unchurched neighbors do accept that invitation to come to church, their children have no practice or training for sitting still and being quiet. They almost inevitably will become a distraction to many, including their own parents. In turn, the visiting parents, out of fear or embarrassment, spend their time tending to their children in their foreign setting instead of sitting attentively under the means of grace. This dynamic usually ends up extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing for the visiting parents who then do not return. Would it not have been better for all involved for the children to have been in a worship training class outside of the service?

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