I’m a sucker for annual predictions. It’s an opportunity to suggest preposterous theories grounded in absolutely zero fact or logic. It’s a time to look ahead with unquestionable positivity and make some bold bets on what the future has in store. If nothing comes true … no harm done.

I’m a sucker for annual predictions. It’s an opportunity to suggest preposterous theories grounded in absolutely zero fact or logic. It’s a time to look ahead with unquestionable positivity and make some bold bets on what the future has in store.

If nothing comes true … no harm done.

But, if you just so happen to be right, well … let’s just say that you have a bit of bragging rights for the year ahead.

I’ve been known to be a bit of a gambler at times, so of course I’m not one to lob softball predictions for the easy win. I don’t play to not lose, I play to win.

So, without further ado, here are my top 17 tech-ish theories for 2016:

1. A startup with ‘Uber’ blood officially kills off cable as we know it, taking Direct TV and Comcast with it.
2. Drones finally get called what they actually are — remote controlled helicopters.
3. Elon Musk invents a teleportation device that’s powered by positive thoughts.
4. Martin Shkreli invests in a startup that has developed a way to “turn off the internet” at a valuation inflated by 4000%. Trump ultimately loses the election, internet stays “on” and the startup fails.
5. Google’s self driving cars develop artificial road rage against Telsa vehicles.
6. ISIS falls victim to a Tai “Here in My Garage” Lopezvideo on YouTube and loses interest in Islamic Extremism.

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