The best news in the world is that God has done for you what you could never do on your own. The cross of Christ shows us that there is a real God who knows the real you and really loves you with a reckless love we call grace. You are powerless. But he is powerful. And if you belong to him, you have hope to do the next right thing. What is that next step for you? Owning up and being honest that you need help is a great start.

I was part of the first wave of men who got sideswiped by porn when the internet made that world instantly accessible. I still wig out a bit when I hear that dial-up tone from my old AOL days. I hit rock bottom in 1998 and still have the scars to prove it.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have buried at least one friend as a result of porn’s effects on his life. And because I am willing to bring it up with other friends who are pastors, I have walked through what very much feels like ‘the valley of the shadow of death’ with well over 100 pastors. I have become friends with these men. They tell me their story because I tell them mine first. This is how solid relationships are built – through vulnerability; something I never knew was possible when I was struggling with porn.

I don’t like writing these words. Someone may use it against me. I fear that you may think less of me even though I have put many miles behind me and that chapter of my life.

But that fear of truly being known forces pastors to keep that part of their lives hidden in the shadows. They know what they’re doing is wrong. They know that they are flirting with disaster in their jobs and marriages. They may have had periods of ‘victory’ over this issue only to feel the crushing weight of shame when they fall to temptation again.

Maybe I know you already. Maybe we have never met. But I know that if you are struggling silently in these shadows you’re tired and afraid. You have lied to others and you have lied to yourself over and over. We try and find ways to deny or excuse our behavior. Over the years, here are some of the more common excuses that pastors have given me as to why they never got help.

1. I think I can control my porn use – I just need to try harder.
2. I don’t think God will give me the life I really want. Only porn can do that for me.
3. I know what God demands of me. I am getting really good at ignoring him.

[Editor’s note: This article is incomplete. The link (URL) to the original article is unavailable and has been removed.]