When you question, challenge, or confront an abusive leader, you will suffer consequences. You will be demoted, rejected, or dismissed, and you will no longer be a part of the organization or community that you were hoping to improve by speaking up. I know I have been alienated many times by leaders and their fans for raising questions about their attitudes and behaviors.

I don’t believe abusive leadership is rare. I think it is common. I’m very interested in the church and Christianity, as well as religion in general. I claim these contexts create the perfect culture for abuse to occur. It is becoming so prevalent that it is epidemic. We tend to allow abusive leaders to continue their work and ministry for the many of reasons listed below. There are probably more, so feel free to add your suggestions in the comment section.

1. Ignorance: I’m discovering that many people don’t understand abuse. In fact, I think this is one of the major problems facing the church today. Not just the church, but people in general. It’s not a religious problem, although religion is a great culture to abuse and get abused in. Many don’t know what abuse is. For example, many people think shaming others for the sake of a good result is necessary, like bombing for peace.
2. Charm: Like many people in churches, I have suffered abuse at the hands of strong leaders, but it was sometimes done in such a charming way that I didn’t realize it until later. I admit, it wasn’t just their charm, but my own issue-filled way of processing pain. I usually numb myself until it’s over, then come to my senses and realized what just happened.
3. Enjoyment: I don’t know about you, but I admire strong, charismatic, articulate, inspiring, and visionary leaders. Many abusive leaders possess these qualities. Abusive leaders, especially in the church, come with the territory. Often, there’s a silent agreement that we will agree to suffer some abuse for the sake of the show.
4. Forgiveness: One of the core values of Christianity is forgiveness. When a Christian sins, but especially a leader, we feel required to forgive and let things continue as before. The Christian culture, in fact all religious culture, almost taunts people to sin, even repeatedly, in order to receive grace. Some leaders’ peers boast a kind of bravado when they forgive and restore their abusive friends to their ministries.
5. Authority: I was taught very clearly never to question authority.

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