When God makes peace with a person, He begins by wakening that person up to the fact that there is a problem that needs to be faced. The honesty that says, “Well, there’s a problem here,” is the kind of honesty that leads to peacemaking.

1. Recognize where there is a problem.

They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, “Peace, peace,” when there is no peace. (Jeremiah 6:14)

There were people then, as there are now, people who made a living saying, “Peace, peace, even when there is no peace.” They tell people what they want to hear. So the wounds of the people are dressed lightly.

We might say they “put a sticking plaster over a septic wound.” Everyone knows that can only make the problem worse.

Making peace does not mean avoiding conflict. It’s not pretending that everything is ok. It’s not “anything for a quiet life.” A conflict avoided is often conflict postponed.

When God makes peace with a person, He begins by wakening that person up to the fact that there is a problem that needs to be faced. The honesty that says, “Well, there’s a problem here,” is the kind of honesty that leads to peacemaking.

2. Deal with conflict early.

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out. (Proverbs 17:14)

This makes me think about being at camp as a child with a group of other kids. We gathered rocks to build a dam in the stream, so that we could create a pool of water to swim in.

You know what it’s like: You build the dam, and then you get a pool of water backing up—success! You notice a little trickle of water that comes through the dam. If you don’t plug that hole, the trickle will become a cascade. The water will move the rocks and all your work will be lost.

That’s the picture here: The beginning of strife is like letting out water—the beginning of strife!

Think about this: every broken marriage had a point where the strife began! The first harsh word, the first wound, the first moment of distrust. You didn’t see it at the time, but the end was in the beginning.

You look back and you say, “If I could go back to that moment and change what happened then, I might be in a different place today.” But you can’t go back!

So here’s what we learn: Deal with conflict early. Don’t let small things fester. Don’t let it take root, because if you do, it will grow.

3. Practice restraint, especially with your tongue.

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. (James 1:19)

Peacemakers practice restraint. At times when you could unload, if you are a peacemaker, you will hold back. This is surely one of the most obvious tactics and one of the most important.

What is the leading idol in our culture? “I must say what I think! I must say what I feel!” Really? Do you really have to? When you hear that, sometimes the right answer is to say, “What would happen if you didn’t?”

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