Names have been changed to protect the guilty. But this is the actual text of an email that popped in my inbox Monday afternoon. Subject Line: Jaycee Field, 9:15PM

For the Rookies:
The game are scheduled to begin at 9:15PM. You will need to come by 9PM to throw a bit and loosen up. Also, the line-up coach needs to turn in a line-up card usually no later than 5 minutes before game time. So, when you arrive please check in with him to let him know who you are. Look for the guy with the Yankees ball cap, clip board, and Cossack mustache.

Some of the rules may be different:

Any balls hit out of the park that would normally be a home run are an automatic out in Church C league. By the bye, we play in the Church C league because there is not a “D” league.

The games are played for 7 innings or one hour, whichever comes first.

When you step up to bat the count begins at 1 ball and one strike. If you have two strikes and you foul off a pitch, it is a strikeout.

After 5 innings, if one team is ahead by 15 or more runs the mercy rule is invoked and the game ends.

Finally, Since we did not have a chance to practice before the season started a few things from the coach.

We play for fun, fellowship, encouragement of each other, and a means to invite Non-Christians to interact and get to know some Believers; invite them to church and open doors for the Gospel.

As best the coach can, everybody will get to play at least half the game. Seven innings is hard to divide in half evenly.

The Bench Coach barks, but does not bite. Ask the Veterans who have played.

No arguing with the umpires. That is the Coaches Job. The Umpires do not get paid enough for any grief from the “Peanut gallery.” Remember, this is Church C league, not the World Series.

Oh and one last thing. Chewing tobacco is allowed, but no spitting on the field or in the dugout or in a spit bottle!!! No more “Arod” incidents.

See you tonight.

Coach B

Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.

C. S. Lewis