Can we be anecdotal for a few moments? To be clear, TGC and the women represented in this article believe what they believe about marriage not primarily because of experience but fundamentally because of God’s Word. But I’ve been impressed lately by a host of strong, gifted married women who actually, joyfully, and productively give witness to the beauty of Scripture’s pattern for marriage—headship and submission and all!

Complementarians often hear that women’s gifts are being ignored or unused. Certainly in some cases this is true. However, in an effort to soften or eliminate biblical distinctions between women and men, women’s hardships are too often blamed on those distinctions rather than on sinful human hearts that—whether they lean toward complementarianism or egalitarianism—so easily pursue selfish gain rather than the other’s good. Might it be possible that the gospel lived out in marriage can by God’s grace restore to the headship and submission of husbands and wives their rightful, Christ-reflecting beauty?

The following words from women are not proofs but glimpses of such grace. The focus here is limited, as we peer briefly into the lives of a few married women—acknowledging that such stories of grace, strength, and productivity emerge from all kinds of lives, married or not. But marriage has been on our cultural minds lately, in many ways, not just in the church.

All the forces battering this institution have actually brought it vividly onto the public stage for a hearing. Because of these cultural battles, but especially because of the way the Bible talks about it, marriage is a crucial subject for all of us no matter what our relational status……

I asked this group of ten women one question: How has your husband encouraged you to grow and use your gifts for the kingdom?

These women are all different and certainly don’t offer one particular lifestyle to be emulated. They all know they and their spouses are far from perfect (as do the Kellers!). They’ve known struggles—with illnesses, handicapped children, untimely death, hard stretches within good marriages. But they’re confident in Christ’s love first and in the love of husbands who in obvious ways give themselves up for them. I hope husbands will be encouraged, noticing what wives say and appreciate about godly husbands. I hope wives will be encouraged, seeing that God’s gospel pattern grows and nurtures us in joyful directions when we even haltingly follow it. I hope unmarried people will be encouraged, believing that marriage is God’s good gift through which we are meant to live out gospel beauty and truth.
Mindy Belz, editor of WORLD magazine, lives in Asheville, North Carolina. She and her husband, Nat, both work in writing and publishing—and in raising their four almost-grown children. She told me she could have written about Nat’s changing all the moldy shower curtain liners while she was recently in Afghanistan, but instead she sent the following.

One of the most important ways my husband encourages me to grow and use God-given gifts for Christ’s kingdom is first to recognize that any traits or talents I have are just that—gifts. The Lord gives them. So we use them with abandon, with joy, in sickness and health and sometimes only for a season (as the Lord also takes away). My husband has led with thanksgiving for all that’s in our household and in and out of our lives, and has put serving the kingdom first in ways that are appealing and enjoyable. Nat has also hugely helped me in setting priorities. Too often I am driven by tyranny of the urgent, the loud, the emotional, or the plain selfish, but my husband is and always has been a steady, trustworthy guide to what comes first, even down to whether to see the school play or head out on a business trip.

Anne Harley Duncan……

Nancy Guthrie is an author and Bible teacher, living in Nashville with her husband, David, and son, Matt. She and David together host the GriefShare video series and the Respite Retreat for couples who have experienced the death of a child.

David never grudgingly, but always gladly, sends me off for the week or weekend, assuring me that he doesn’t care that I’m leaving him with nothing in the refrigerator. He waits patiently when people want to talk to me, when I know he’d rather get going. He celebrates with me when I read him an e-mail from someone who has benefited from my ministry, rather than acting like he’s really rather tired of it. He carefully offers critique I need to hear (which is often painful for me because I respect his opinion so much) in a tone and context that lets me know that he is for me, not against me. He loves and accepts me for who I am, providing a safe haven in which I can be weak and needy, and a solid foundation from which I can give myself away with joy and freedom.

Lisa Helm…..

Patricia Lindley…

Kristie Anyabwile is a pastor’s wife, joyful homemaker, and mother of three in a household regularly filled with additional “adopted” family members. Living in the Cayman Islands where her husband, Thabiti, pastors First Baptist Church, Kristie is passionate about mentoring young women in the faith.

My husband constantly encourages me to grow and use my gifts for the kingdom. He values what I do and does not take my service/contributions to the family for granted. He enters my world by pitching in with things in the home—with joy and compassion to free me to pursue ministry relationships and projects, and to allow me to rest and refresh my body and spirit. He is concerned about my spiritual life, asking regularly about the ways in which I’m growing (or struggling), what the Lord is teaching me through his Word, how I’m benefiting from books, blogs, sermons, etc. He helps me discern areas of ministry to pursue or to pass on. He helps me to say no to “good” things in order to say yes to things better suited to where we are in phase of life, family, and ministry. He pushes me out of my comfort zone by challenging me to use gifts that he sees the Lord developing in me but that are not always apparent to me. He’s my best friend, cheerleader, and pastor, and in each of those roles he sets his heart, mind, and actions on heavenly things, and inspires me to do the same.

Rebecca Painter……

Keri Folmar…..

Jane Hensel……

LaVon Buswell has been married for 62 years to her husband, John, a seminary professor and pastor for many years. For decades, LaVon taught school and directed church choirs. The Buswells have two daughters, six grandchildren, and nine great-grandchildren. (Editor’s Note: The author is one of those two daughters!)

In 1949 as John and I committed our lives together in marriage, I knew he was convinced of a clear calling from the Lord to ministry in the church. As we left college and seminary we were already serving together as a team. We were consciously striving to interpret 1 Peter 3 as our lives unfolded. Why would my husband, who prayed daily to be a faithful shepherd, not want to encourage me to use my gifts to further the goals the Lord had given us? Many exciting and challenging doors opened for me to serve alongside my husband in the church and community. After prayerful consideration John would encourage me to courageously walk through them. What a joy to teach different ages, help develop children and adult choirs, join in women’s ministries, and often open our home for good fellowship. Over the years our love became even deeper as together we sought to train our daughters to grow to love and serve the Lord. The underlying strength and foundation of our home and work has always been God’s Word and prayer together. John has truly been the spiritual leader in striving daily, throughout all these years, to read the Word and pray together. Now in our eighth decade as a team, what a blessing to begin each day reading the Bible aloud and praying for loved ones and needy ones around the world.

Read More