Don’t compare your relationship to buying a car. A car is something you use. Marriage is intended for something more than our own selfish desires—it reflects the relationship of Christ and His bride, the church. Marriage is giving, sacrificing, and choosing to put your spouse’s interests above your own. No test driving and giving it back.

Eight months into our relationship, Josh and I moved in together. We were 19 and 20, still heavily into the infatuation phase of our relationship. We had no desire to listen to the few naysayers around us.

To be completely honest, I don’t remember why we moved in together so soon. I guess we figured it made sense. We could afford our current bills, plus a tiny, one-bedroom apartment (all utilities included was a nice bonus!). Several friends were already living with a partner, and things seemed to be going great for them. We’d get to know each other better, spend the majority of our time together, and one day get married.

Looking back, I see a lot I wish we had done differently. Hey, hindsight is 20/20, right?

There was a lot I didn’t know at 19 (there’s a lot I still don’t know). While I wish we started our relationship differently, I’m thankful for what God has taught us through it.

Eventually we did get married. But if I could sit down with a similar, bright-eyed 19-year-old girl, here are the reasons I’d tell her why I wish my husband and I hadn’t moved in together before tying the knot.

1. We robbed ourselves of the honeymoon phase.

Once we married, it was hard to really feel like “newlyweds” after living together for more than a year. I remember the day Josh and I came back from our honeymoon. After unpacking and putting the shampoo back on the shelf, we went our separate ways for the day. I don’t remember what he did, but I went shopping.

There was no giddy feeling of starting a new life with my husband, because we did that already. I wish I could have been the blushing bride. He deserved that.

2. We started our “serious” relationship with a lack of commitment.

We’ve all heard the argument (as cliché as it is) for living together: “You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first, would you?” Ugh.

Here’s the thing. When test driving a car, you take it around a few good bends in the road, mash the gas on the interstate, then cruise it back to the dealership. If it’s a good fit, you sign your name by the X and commit to purchasing the vehicle. If not, you hop out and leave it for the next potential buyer.

I wish I could go back to 19-year-old me and tell myself I’m worth more. Don’t compare your relationship to buying a car.

A car is something you use. Marriage is intended for something more than our own selfish desires—it reflects the relationship of Christ and His bride, the church.

Marriage is giving, sacrificing, and choosing to put your spouse’s interests above your own. No test driving and giving back. It’s commitment. Anything less is short changing yourself.

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