It’s addressing a real problem. Simply, there are a lot of people who struggle with suicide. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people aged 10–34. Almost 50,000 people die by suicide every year. As staggering as that number is, it doesn’t tell the whole story. According to the CDC, 12.2 million American adults seriously thought about suicide in 2020, 3.2 million came up with a detailed plan, and 1.2 million attempted suicide. This is a real problem.

Over the last four years, I’ve been invited to churches, schools, and conferences all over the world to speak. What do you think my number one requested talk has been? It’s not the problem of evil, homosexuality, biblical justice, or even the existence of God. It’s suicide. More than 30% of the time, my host wants to hear about suicide. Why? Why is this issue so much more popular than all the others?

It’s addressing a real problem. Simply, there are a lot of people who struggle with suicide. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people aged 10–34. Almost 50,000 people die by suicide every year. As staggering as that number is, it doesn’t tell the whole story. According to the CDC, 12.2 million American adults seriously thought about suicide in 2020, 3.2 million came up with a detailed plan, and 1.2 million attempted suicide. This is a real problem.

Yet, no one’s talking about it. For several reasons, including shame, guilt, and theological issues, suicide has been pushed into the dark recesses of even our churches. In this way, it’s very similar to abortion. For the longest time, abortion was never discussed, especially in the church. Look what’s happened now that we’ve brought the issue out of the dark corners and into the light, though. Now, the issue is openly discussed, and healing can begin. The same thing can happen with suicide, too.

We need to let these kinds of issues break our hearts, and we need to move towards them with the truth of who we are according to the true story of reality, allowing compassion and love for other people to lead the way. How do we do that? Here are five simple things you can do if this issue comes up in your life or the life of someone you know.

First, start with compassion and understanding. I have never wrestled with thoughts of suicide. This doesn’t mean I can’t relate to someone who does. Start by listening to the person, seeking to understand the situation they’re in. After listening to them, have compassion on them. Love them. Let them know you’re there for them, and help however you can. Remind them they aren’t alone in this world. They might think they are, but that’s a lie.

One thing to remember: Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Out of compassion, wanting to help a friend open up, you might be tempted to say something like, “You can tell me—I promise I won’t tell anyone else,” but you should never promise you’ll keep everything confidential. Sometimes, you have to ask a third party for help. More on this in a minute.

Second, be direct and honest. If you are worried about someone, express your concern. Don’t be afraid to ask directly, “Have you thought about suicide?” Using that word will not push them towards taking their own life, but it will remove any ambiguity or grey area in the conversation. Don’t use less specific language like, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” That’s a different question. After being direct, make sure you’re prepared for their answer, which is the third action point.

Third, be prepared. Know how to respond. Part of knowing how to respond is being comfortable with any answer they give. Don’t be shocked or allow yourself to become uncomfortable. If you’re uncomfortable, they’ll see that, and they might shy away from being honest.

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