Revelation pictorially reflects consequences of the relationship choices we make. We can choose exploitative relationships symbolized by Babylon the Prostitute, or we can choose sacrificially loving relationships symbolized by being Christ’s Bride. In today’s Babylonian culture, spiritual bankruptcy leads individuals into all sorts of escapisms, including porn. Exploitation is practiced at the individual level and internationally as nations selfishly exploit the wealth of others.

SUMMARY

BACKGROUND: Revelation pictorially reflects consequences of the relationship choices we make. We can choose exploitative relationships symbolized by Babylon the Prostitute, or we can choose sacrificially loving relationships symbolized by being Christ’s Bride. In today’s Babylonian culture, spiritual bankruptcy leads individuals into all sorts of escapisms, including porn. Exploitation is practiced at the individual level and internationally as nations selfishly exploit the wealth of others.

WHAT’S HAPPENED: Satan’s post-Fall accomplishment has parents viewing children as something they own – “ownership parenting” – a rules-based, father-knows-best approach to raising kids. Motivation for ownership parenting is a direct consequence of the Fall: people have made themselves BIG and God small:

• OWNERSHIP parenting is what parents WANT their children to do/be, not what God intends. Ownership parenting is a “natural” to those desiring to control. (Judges 2:10 relates Satan’s biggest, post-Fall win.)
• Rather, God calls parents to be STEWARDS of HIS CHILDREN, children he gifts to those he calls as guides for heart change, guiding hearts to become rooted in Living Water.

ENTER BABYLON THE PROSTITUTE: Her satanic assignment is to leverage humanities’ post-Fall selfishness and destroy the oneness of the Trinity that is to prevail in his HOME, for God’s HOME is the environment he ordained in Genesis 2 within which his Stewards are to nurture and raise his children. To accomplish her satanic mission, Babylon hijacks God’s Divine Design of us, deploying Easy-Access Porn as her weapon of mass destruction. She snares teens and young adults into enjoying “God’s pleasure” without the bother of human intimacy, thus promoting Satan’s ANTI-HOME environment of ownership parenting.

Babies arrive in God’s HOME with selfish, needy hearts, designed that way to trigger formation of trusting bonds. Babies gradually learn to trust their parental stewards, loving caregivers who change diapers, offer food, meet their needs, cuddle and sooth teething moments (no matter what time the clock says). Loving, tender care equates to “baby feels good” – feel goods are the foundation for heart transformation and start the process. Destination? Living Water!

This transformation also inoculates God’s children from absorption into our Babylonian culture. Parental stewards obey Genesis 2 family ordnances, modeling the Krazy glue bonding of the Trinity’s “oneness” before God’s children. Fathers adopt Paul’s authentic leadership style (unsurprisingly supported by referenced Harvard Business School management studies); both parents emulate the way God validates and praises us. By following these precepts, his kids are raised in relationships that mirror the family oneness of the Trinity. God’s HOME!

Can we measure Babylon the Prostitute’s destructive effectiveness? This paper posits a linkage between Babylon’s porn and parental neglect of babies, noting published data that characterizes porn usage and child neglect by age group.

INTRODUCTION

1. THE TRUE MEANING OF “ONENESS:” My previous paper posted on this site How Should We Understand “Her Desire” in Genesis 3:16b, concluded that “Desire” in Genesis 3:16b is not just the “battle of the sexes” as presented in the NLT (and NET), rather “desire” in Genesis 3:16b results from the frustration felt by the victim of an abusive relationship, frustrated by her inability to fulfill her natural desire for oneness.

“For what reason is man to marry a wife? Because woman was originally a constituent part of man, she must return to become one with him again, so that the full expression and design of God’s image in human beings can be revealed [which is the bonding of the oneness modeled for us by the Trinity].” Focus on the Family

The core of God’s HOME is the husband and wife recombining into one flesh, being emotionally bonded once again, just as the members of the Trinity are bonded. Factually, oneness is a mutual obligation, as Paul emphasizes in 1 Corinthians 7:4.

Marriage is a deeply relational activity. Why? God observed in Genesis 2:18 that “It’s not good for man to be alone” [even though Adam was already in a sinless, perfect intimate relationship with God]. By God’s design, we are better image barriers when we also are in a deep and meaningful relationship with another. Why? We function as allies in the transformation process of holiness, a process that by God’s design cannot be solitary.

2. POST-FALL: THE LOST MEANING OF “ONENESS:” At the Fall, the structure of God’s created relationship was turned upside down. With selfishness, people are BIGGER and God is smaller. This selfishness is the basis for his characterization of marriage now described in Genesis 3:16: the husband [tendency] will “rule over, dominant, control” his wife, a marriage wherein the oneness of the Trinity cannot be experienced.

With oneness torpedoed, we live in a Babylonian cultural advocating avoidance of deep relationships; e.g., electronic messaging has largely replaced more intimate telephonic communication, and to Babylon’s extreme delight, sexting is a cultural icon. People feel entitled, they point – accusing others of the micro-aggressions that made them feel bad, and hide (in safe spaces), all celebrated as Babylonian ways-of-life. This is why the Book of Revelation communicates the profoundness of oneness lost:

Genesis 11:1-9 (the story of Babel[ii]) tells us that Babylon is the seductive prostitute (Folly) who draws us away from our lord and His righteousness (Wisdom).

Following the Flood, humanity spoke just one language using all the same words with the same meanings. This “corporate” oneness had prevailed since Creation; sinful tendencies instilled at the Fall turned this good, created thing into a negative.

Verse 4 reflects our need to bond, to be part of something. In Babel’s setting, “nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them,” for humanity at that time was fully united as one and chose to function in a sinful, corporate way. God remediated this corporate sinfulness by creating racial, ethnic, cultural, and familial diversity.

THE CITY OF BABEL STILL EXISTS

We still affiliate (v. 4). God designed us that way – to affiliate with Him in deep relationship with another, a trinity. Thus we join Christ’s church to be part of God’s family (a very good thing). Yet we seek still more relationships: We join a fraternity, a social club, or an association; we join Twitter and/or Facebook “families.” Our post-Fall nature is to self-identify in secondary relationships that often become primary. Many may progress towards Babylonian emotional bonding. God is being sidelined. This is not good.

The story of Babel also reflects our arrogant pride, our pursuit of power, prestige, and control. So we micro-manage our business and church subordinates (and wives). We work to immortalize our social, academic, political achievements (v. 4: “let us make a name for ourselves”). We especially like everlasting edifices (v. 4: “build ourselves a city”). We seek to assuage our prideful vanity. We look to others for approval, to “feel good.”

Babel still exists. As Alexander notes in his book, THE CITY OF GOD: [iii] “Humanities obsession with wealth and power becomes the substitute for knowing God. History confirms the ongoing existence of ‘Babylon,’ as economics dominate national and international politics, with nations using their power to grow rich at the expense of others.” (For a deeper discussion of Babylon’s snares of wealth and power, see Tripp’s book, REDEEMING MONEY[iv]) How can God’s Stewards assure that his children will not be assimilated into this exploitive culture?

The answer is how well stewards emotionally bonded with each other and how well they are modeling this triune oneness before God’s children:

Attachment [emotional bonding (oneness), modeling trust] is based on God’s design that human beings come into the world completely helpless to take care of their own needs and, that in order to develop as a person, they must rely upon others who are stronger, wiser, and loving. God designed this as a biologically-driven process that initially unfolds between a child and his other primary care givers (usually the biological parents). This process of attachment continues to have profound effects on human development across the entire life span ‘… from cradle to grave.’ ” Dr. Gary Sibcy [v]

GOD’S HOME

WHERE DEEP RELATIONSHIPS PREVAIL: Genesis 2:22-25[vi] describes the very essences of his HOME.[vii] These two verses speak to the natural oneness that, by God’s design, unites stewards in the triune’s intimacy of family oneness, the meaning of which his children now observe and learn, and once learned, is now transferred to and emulated in their new family HOME, thus fulfilling the five commands of Genesis 1:28.

JESUS TEACHES ABOUT HOME: Jesus uses the Parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15:11-31) to teach us by example the meaning of family oneness as found only in God’s HOME:

The father had to be extremely displeased when his youngest son made the most disobedient parental request imaginable: asking to receive his inheritance from his living father, exploiting his father’s love.

In those times family assets were illiquid and, being a “farmer,” his father had to sell half of the family’s livestock to raise cash, imposing a significant, on-going reduction in family income, a hardship the loving, self-sacrificing father was willing to make.

Then having squandered his wealth in wild living, and now longing to fill his stomach with the very pods he was now feeding to the pigs, what did the younger son do? He remembered HOME, for HOME is God’s ordained vehicle for repentance.

So he returned HOME. He repented, humbling himself by saying: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.”

And when his father saw him coming, he was filled with compassion; he ran to greet his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The father then said to the servants, “Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” So the family celebrated the son’s repentance.

To complete Jesus’ relationship teaching, the elder brother arrogantly displayed Babylonian selfishness.

DIVINE DESIGN – OUR NATURAL BIAS TO MOVE TOWARDS ONENESS OF HOME: Genesis 2 details how God’s Stewards are to fulfill his five Blessing commands in Genesis 1:28. HOME is the vehicle; mutual trust is the enabler.

God designed us with specific brain chemicals that will inspire us (a natural bias) in specific ways that fulfill his Blessing commands, glorifying him. We can only to be awed by our Creator’s divine design.[viii] Here are the highlights, augmented with a running commentary as to how Babylon hijacks elements of God’s design:

Oxytocin (aka the cuddle hormone or social bonding agent) is the leading actor in God’s design: Oxytocin is God’s foundation for sexual attraction. Not only does oxytocin enhance our desire to be touched, but it also reduces any anxiety/fear we might have in anticipation of being touched. Thus oxytocin facilitates bonding (secure attachment[ix]). Oxytocin is key to fulfilling The Blessing.

Vasopressin works in harmony with oxytocin. Its specific assignment is formation of long-term partner bonding. Working synergistically with testosterone, the desire for the male to bond with his mate is enhanced. Without this bonding, there can be no secure spousal attachment, no HOME. Using the snare of porn, Babylon simply substitutes a counterfeit visual to which the male now bonds. Messy human relationships are no longer needed. Pleasure is found via a mouse-click!

Dopamine (aka the feel good or reward chemical) is God’s way of rewarding us for spousal oneness. Dopamine activates our brain’s pleasure circuits[x] facilitating God’s intent for a lifetime of oneness. By virtue of this reward circuitry, dopamine helps tag those memories deemed important (the more intense the pleasure, the more robust the tag). Tagging helps us remember and recall our prior “feelings” when a similar situation reoccurs. This is how God achieves a lifetime of oneness. Babylon hijacks this tagging mechanism to directly fuel repetitive needs to seek out porn’s “feel goods” – to crave more and more porn, creating porn addicts.

Serotonin is our emotional moderator. Reduced by the release of dopamine, anticipation of intimate oneness is enhanced. Depressed levels also account for emotional extremes at the conclusion of a relationship. Thus we welcome with great gladness a newborn (or adoption) into our HOME, and we can suffer sadness upon their departure, moving into their new spousal HOME.

Epinephrine and Norepinephrine (the latter is the chemical cousin of dopamine) are neurotransmitters produced by the adrenal glands giving us the anticipatory “adrenaline rush,” a sense of urgency for intimate oneness, and, if sufficiently intense, can cause the reward center to hijack the brain’s executive function, effectively we loose any sense of control (the rapture to be experienced in oneness). Reflecting the physiological and emotional significance of dopamine’s “pleasure” and oxytocin/vasopressin’s “feel goods,” norepinephrine burns the event that initiated sexual arousal (a visual, touch, romantic moment, or even the partner’s voice, for example) deeply into our memories. This “burn” insures that when we encounter the same, or just a similar event, we again are aroused. God’s design intentions are the formation of lasting bonding.

Similarly, Babylon’s pornographic visualizations are burned into memory, rewiring the viewer’s brain.[xi] The more this neural pathway is traveled, the more imbedded it becomes. Thus her visualizations replayed during sexual fantasies, aids in further hardening of pornographic memory tracks against being overwritten (by heart change). Babylon’s mass destruction counts on hardening so that porn seekers, and especially ex seekers, will be unable or have extreme difficulty, in connecting deeply with another, an outright violation of God’s command in 1 Corinthians 7:5 to not to deprive one’s spouse from experiencing the transcendence of the Trinity.[xii] This also explains why one spouse may often imagine having sex with a prior lover (or a pornographic visualization) rather than focusing upon spouses bonding into one flesh.

Mirror Neurons (aka the monkey-see/monkey-do neurons) are motor cells that help children learn by observing the behavior of their stewards. Ever notice how children learn by imitating, cooking for, feeding, and disciplining their play animals and dolls? Even praying with them? Motor neurons also are associated with cortical regions involved in detecting emotions in others, which is why Paul’s doctrine of authenticity is so very important, and which is why modeling of oneness is absolutely critical in anti-Babylonian child development: See Gregory Beale, We Reflect What We Worship.

Babylon snares offer mouse-click access to all flavors of counterfeit pleasure. And if necessary to insure her success, she hijacks their repentance. Having accepted Jesus as their savior – often in an epiphany moment as the Spirit opened their eyes – Babylon leverages the heart’s natural self-serving self-centeredness to her advantage. “Saved,” yet practicing self-protection instead of heart renovation,[xiii] her victims employ “will power” to resist temptation: “Divert your eyes, install porn filters,” is the advice commonly given by some pastors and counselors, advice that unfortunately reinforces Babylon’s objective of continued entrapment (no heart change) for ex porn seekers.

INOCULATING CHILDREN AGAINST BABALONIAN POISONS

LEARNING TRUST: Growing up, how did I learn stuff? In my childhood years, we lived in Wilmette, Illinois, a northern, lakeside suburb of Chicago. I had not visited Washington DC. I was too young to do independent research. So how then did I come to understand that Washington, DC was the location of our nation’s capital?  How did I learn that the Lord’s Prayer was, factually, the Lord’s Prayer?

I trusted what my parents told me. Even though my mother warned me that the stove was hot, I still touched it. Yes, it was HOT! I felt the burn! I soon learned (via the feedback of feelings) that what my parents told me was in my best interests. I learned to trust. The more I learned to trust, the more respect I acquired for their Wisdom. Thus I naturally trusted and respected my schoolteachers. I trusted and respected my college professors.

Not to have learned to trust and respect the wisdom and teachings of my parents and others, what would my life like today? Fear of man [not having learned to trust] will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. [Proverbs 29:25, NIV]

FEELINGS, THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, DETERMINES HOW WE REACT/ACT: Genesis 6:5 reminds us that our feelings are determinate in governing our actions. Example: The serpent appealed to Eve’s vanity; feeling honored that he had chosen to speak with her, not with Adam, feelings that led her to believe that she was the most important and that God’s words were un-trustful. (Jesus repeated this teaching in Matthew 12:33-37.) Then in Genesis 3:15, God supernaturally intervened, changing Eve’s feelings, turning her feelings back into trusting in him, causing her to feel hatred for having placed herself over God.

We can change the idols in our heart the same way, by re-associating “as bad” the feelings that caused our sinful action/reaction; to acquire deep compassion for those closest whom we’ve hurt – Paul’s mortification/renewal of the mind. Luke 9:23 tells us to do this daily.

THERE ARE TWO DIMENSIONS IN LEARNING TO KNOW AND TO TRUST GOD: First is learning, learning about his lordship, his authority, provincial control, and presence. Learning comes from parental teaching of God’s Word (Wisdom). Second is transferring the parental bond of HOME (trust) to him. This second step leverages our knowledge of God into an emotion of gratitude, all because of our parental relationship that “felt good.”

I associated “good feelings” about my parents as I learned that they always held my best interests foremost. But I didn’t fully translate these parental “good feelings” to God until one day when singing a hymn in church – I suddenly realized that I was “feeling good.” My intellectual belief now had an emotional feeling as its foundation.

ENTER BABYLON – USING THE TIME DELAY BETWEEN KNOWLEDGE AND EMOTION: Peter took many years to attach an emotional feeling to his foundational belief in Christ; yet parental stewards have the opportunity to accelerate this process (see Endnote 14). In 2 Peter 1:3-9, Peter explains how all Christians have no problem understanding that Christ died for their sins and that we are forgiven when we repent. These are the bookends of our Christian Worldview.

As in any case, and Peter’s, there’s a “GAP” associated with these bookends; a GAP in time from first “knowing” about God and then emotionally bonding with God. As one’s life continues forward during this GAP, what’s called “life moments” happen. These are the “moments” that Babylon can leverage to her advantage.

Life Moments occur whenever the rubber meets the road, that’s the frictional contact taking place many times each and every day, the frictional contact that happens when we experience an inconvenient circumstance (like getting stuck in a traffic jam while on the way to a critical meeting) or encountering a hurtful relationship, like being blamed by an extremely angry friend for something we didn’t do. Frictional contact generates HEAT (it’s like the old saying: “I’m getting HOT under the collar”).

How we, as Christians, instantaneously react to these “Life Moments?” Do we react sinfully or godly? This “how” is determined by what’s in our heart at that very moment. Is our belief in God resting on “emotions” or still just factual knowledge? Like Peter (and Jonah in the OT)? Jeremiah 17:5-10 gives us a word picture of how we respond to HEAT.

In Peter and Jonah’s cases, we can say that we’re still a “Baby Christian,” having not yet matured fully in our beliefs. Thus our quick reaction to the HEAT of a Life Moment is sinful. Peter, [xiv] in his second letter dated in 65 AD, stated (2 Peter 1:9) that he had been forgetting that he was cleansed from his past sins, and that this was the reason he was reacting sinfully. We know that his “GAP” had been filled because he was able to explain it; same for Jonah, as he authored the OT Book afterwards.

Why is this point important? Babylon leverages this GAP as her entry gate in snaring young adult “believers” with porn. Parental Stewards need to recognize the importance of minimizing this GAP.

PULLING IT OFF – HOW TO CLOSE THE GAP

(Two helpful books on tactics for Stewardship Parenting can be found in this Endnote[xv])

SUMMARY: The objective of the following three precepts is to mirror triune oneness within God’s HOME. Paraphrasing the oneness relationship of the Trinity: [xvi]

Each family member centers upon the others, no one family member demands from any other that he must revolve around him. All family members are circling each other, all pouring love, praise, delight, and adoration into all others:[xvii]

“Pouring out love, praise, delight, and adoration:” What does this mean for kids?

• Praise and adoration convey to the sense of personal worth; what is my intrinsic value to humanity? Valued kids live stable adult lives; react to Life Moments in godly ways. They form secure spousal attachments and intimate family relationship, and exhibit no inclinations or needs to “escape” into counterfeit feelings of porn’s pleasure, opiate bliss, comfort of wealth, or otherwise.
• Love and delight speak to their personal value as a human. They feel that they are lovable, no matter what – simply, they are the apple of parental eyes – they are just simply … a delight! Love and delight flows from the parent’s pure enjoyment of his kids. Parental delight isn’t complete until it’s expressed by praise. The end result is that lots of emotional “feel goods” are being deposited in their bank accounts. Parental Stewards are making the first deposits; future deposits are by God.

“Pouring out love, praise, delight, and adoration:” What does this mean to the parental stewards?

• This heart felt behavior; expressing love, praise, delight, and adoration blocks parents from ever thinking that they are “owners.” These expressions are the polar opposite, totally incongruent, with satanic “ownership-parenting.”
• For spouses, each is acquiring the habit of continuously asking one’s self: “How can I value and enjoy my spouse more?”

PRECEPT #1: FATHERS MUST BE AUTHENTIC LEADERS: Being a heart-felt authentic leader is what every father must do to engender feelings of trust in those he leads. In 1 Corinthians 9:20-23 Paul nails it! To be a persuasive leader, you must be seen as an authentic person, not as an “actor/pretender.” Only an authentic person is capable of building trust in another; becoming a trusted source of Wisdom, thus earning respect for what’s being communicated:

²⁰ To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those who are under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) in order that I might win those under the law. ²¹ To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of God), in order that I might win those outside the law; ²² To the weak I became weak, in order that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, in order that by all means I might save some. ²³ I do it all for the sake of the gospel, in order that I may share with them in its blessings. [ESV, edited]

I have preceded the Greek “that” (ἵνα) with “in order” so as to highlight the structure of Paul’s dual-propositional, action-purpose grammatical constructs.

Paul’s purposes for being under the law, then outside the law, then weak, and then all things (specific actions he took) was to win, save, and share in order to authentically earn the audience’s respect for his persuasions, thus persuading his listeners to become believers. This is the same action —> purpose behavior a father must emulate, being the spiritual head/leader of the HOME – to persuasively teach God’s children to become believers in the Word. (Paul also used this same action —> purpose grammatical construct in Ephesians 5:33 when he counsels a husband that sacrificial love will earn [him over time] the respect of his wife.)

PRECEPT #2: AS GOD VALIDATES US, SO STEWARDS VALIDATE HIS CHILDREN: Here’s God’s template for stewards to follow in validating his children:

Validation of family members, most importantly, the husband’s validation of his wife, is critical for engendering in children the “feelings to trust.” They see their mom’s reaction to how their father validates their mother; they observe his sincerity; they see her responsive warmth; they store all these “positive feelings” in memory for later recall as adults.

PRECEPT #3: NURTURING LEADERSHIP – “WATER BOYS” AND “SERVANT LEADERS:” In any industrial or church setting, the successful manager must engendering feelings of trust in order to earn the respect of his leadership policies so that the enterprise will be (financially) successful.[xviii]

Vince Lombardi, in coaching the Green Bay Packers (“Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing”) characterized his successful management style as being the team’s “water boy.” Jesus used the terminology “servant leader,” which is functionally the same as water boy.

Adopting Lombardi’s “water boy” style, I established and managed two highly successful and profitable business units for a Fortune 500 corporation. “Water boys,” just like servant leaders, are “nurturing managers” who are always concerned about every subordinate’s well being, like: Do they have sufficient resources and training to achieve their very best? Water boys do not take credit for profitability and customer satisfaction; rather all the credit goes to their subordinates.

• Genuine heart-felt praise is fertilizer (think Miracle-Gro®) sprinkled upon the hearts of family members.
• This praise is the lasting weed killer that inoculates hearts by preventing Babylonian idols from ever finding nourishing soil in which to take root.
• Heart-felt praise is the outward expression of godly heart-felt love, protection, cherishment, and nurture of the husband for his wife and for God’s children.

Water boys are inclusive managers, not dictatorial micro-managers, for the micro-management trait characterizes the style of a selfish, Babylonian manager who exploits subordinates (and wives, family members, friends, etc.) for his personal gain – seeking aggrandizement to assuage his vanity.

BONDING WITH BABIES: REVEALING JESUS’ LOVE

The emotional bonding that Dr. Gary Sibcy spoke about (earlier in this paper) begins with babies. This is how children start learning to trust by bonding. Babies cry out to have a need satisfied. They learn to trust because their parents (caregiver) express Jesus’ love of children, responding with promptness to the child’s needs in an attentive, and lovingly supportive manner.

In 2016, Dayna Mager publically posted on Facebook her “why moment,” the moment when she realized the important of forming that secure attachment – the parental bonding, with oxytocin playing the starring role:

“This was from several weeks back, yes, I climbed in the crib in hopes to soothe my screaming, teething, blushed faced, and tear soaked little girl. My husband came home to this, and I am re-posting because this captures the essence of my heart, and my “why…” There I was in the heat of this exhausting, beautiful thing we call parenthood, and I remembered a promise I made to her.

“One of the first times Matt and I left Luella, was to go to a worship conference. At that conference, a missionary shared his story, and it shook me to the core. A moment that would forever be burned in my fragile, hormone raging, new mommy heart that had already become 100x’s more fragile after meeting him.

“That missionary was in an orphanage in Uganda, and he has been in many before, but this one was different. He walked into a nursery with over 100 filled cribs with babes. He listened in amazement and wonder, as the only sound he could hear was silence. A sound that is beyond rare in ANY nursery, let alone a nursery where over 100 new babes laid. He turned to his host and asked her why the nursery was silent. Then, her response to him is something I will never, ever forget. EVER. This was my “why” moment.

“She looked at him and said, ‘After about a week of them being here, and crying out for countless hours, they eventually stop when they realize no one is coming for them…’ They stop crying when they realize no one is coming for them. Not in 10 minutes, not in 4 hours, and maybe, perhaps, not ever…

“I broke. I literally could have picked up pieces of my heart scattered about the auditorium floor. But instead, it stirred in me a longing, a hunger… a promise in my spirit.

“We came home, and that night as Luella rested her tiny little 10lb body against mine and we rocked, I made a promise to her. A promise that I would always come to her.

“At 2:00am when pitiful desperate squeals come through a baby monitor, I will come to her.

“Her first hurt, her first heartbreak, we will come to her. We will be there to hold her, to let her feel, to make decisions on her own, and we will be there. We will show her through our tears and frustrations at times, that it is okay to cry, and it’s ok to feel. That we will always be a safe place, and we will always come to her.”

Dayna Mager
Chelsea, MI
Facebook, March 31, 2016
Man Learns Shocking Reason Why Orphan Babies Don’t Cry
Dayna’s Facebook Post

CAN WE MEASURE BABYLON’S HIJACKING ACCOMPLISHMENTS?

The Barna Group, widely considered to be the leading research organization focused on the intersection of faith and culture, defines porn seekers as those who actively seek out porn daily, weekly, or monthly. Barna has characterized porn seekers by practice of faith, by sex, and by age, as follows:

“Naked Eye” Observations of this Data Set:

• Regardless of faith, Babylon is highly successful in seducing teens, the age cohort of those who are particular susceptible.
• Why? The frontal cortex, the brain’s executive that deals with abstract reasoning and hypotheticals, is where actions and consequences are connected. The frontal cortex is not fully matured until the early 20’s. This may account for the decline in young adults who actively seek porn; by experience maybe they are learning about the negative relationships of porn and consequences.
• If more parents, particularly faith-based parents, emulated God’s HOME, would the percentage of 13 to 24-age porn seekers decline?
• The Church’s counter attack upon Babylon pays off. The reduction in active porn seekers, first through parenting and then directly in ministering to young adults, is dramatic: 50% reduction for men, and a 66% reduction for women.

Barna Group’s Own Commentary:

• Among all generational cohorts, young adults (ages 18 to 24) are the most frequent porn seekers. Almost six in 10 young adults (57%) seek out porn either daily, weekly or monthly.
  • Youth and young adult pastors should take note: 40% of their flock is actively seeking out porn at least once or twice a month.
• Is porn bad? The generational trend suggests that older is wiser, but are younger generations listing?
  • Young adults (age 18 – 24) are the least likely generation to say that porn is very bad for society (14%).
  • For Gen-Xers (born between 1965-1979) 24% are the next likely cohort to say porn is very bad.
  • Lastly, for Boomers (born between 1980-1994), 37% say porn is very bad.

For perspective, a Google search reveals that just one Internet porn site, PORNHUB, tallied 28.5 billion visitors in 2017 (up from 18.35 billion in 2014 – that’s a 55% increase in porn usage over 3 years, an astounding ~16% annual growth rate). Also, 2017 PORNHUB averaged 81 million visitors daily, who conducted 800 site-wide searches every second seeking out a particular flavor of porn (800 searches per second is the same number of hamburgers that the McDonald franchise sells in a second).

Also in 2017 four million videos were uploaded to PORNHUB – that’s 600,000 more hours of posted porn. Estimated industry-wide earnings in 2017 were $15 billion.

COULD THERE BE A CAUSE AND EFFECT LINK BETWEEN PORN SEEKING AND CHILD NEGLECT?

As the Barna Group commented above, young adults in the 18 to 24-age cohort are the most frequent porn seekers. With this in mind, let’s look at data annually released by the U.S Department of Health & Human Services Children’s Bureau that tabulates child maltreatments (here’s the 2016 Child Maltreatment report). The 2016 release is summarized as follows:

• More than four-fifths (83.4%) of perpetrators were between the ages of 18 and 44 years
  • KEY: About half (45%) of the perpetrators fall in the age cohort of 25-34,
  • Keep in mind that it’s the preceding 18 to 24-age cohort that’s populated with the heaviest concentration of porn seekers.
  • Do porn seekers graduate into child neglectors and sometimes child abusers?
• More than one-half (53.7%) of perpetrators were women, 45.3 percent of perpetrators were men, and the sex of 1.0 percent was not reported.
• Babies are those most neglected.
• Children in their first year of life had the highest rate of victimization at 24.8 per 1,000 children of the same age in the national population.
• The greatest percentages of victimized children suffered from neglect [emotional abuse] (74.8%); physical abuse was 18.2%.

Does this data suggest that young parents do not bond with their infants?

CONCLUDING PERSPECTIVE

From the vantage point of the End Times (Revelation), this article looks back onto how Satan employs Lady Babylon to utterly decimate the very core of the God’s Creation, decimating his design for spousal oneness (one flesh) so that parents are no longer capable of raising children who can go forth and make disciples.

Babylon hijacks his “Genesis 1:28 design” for humans to seek out and relish oneness, thus forming a family environment that mimics the triune relationship of the Trinity. She redirects this longing to bond with an inanimate, visualized porn object. Targeting mostly males, she offers “dopamine pleasure,” a ”mouse-click” escapism from the HEAT of daily life. The result is total demolishment of his (Genesis 2) ordnances.

Does this now explain why the article’s review of child neglect begs linkage with porn seekers?

Scripture loads us up with heavy-duty ammunition for use in defeating Babylon:

• Genesis 1:28 sets forth his relationship expectations, giving us insight into how he directs our distinctive make-up in ways that will influence how we act. What does Genesis 1:28, and all of Genesis 1 suggest about his provincial governess?
  • He preserves his creation (Hebrews 1:3)
  • He brings about all things according to his will (Ephesians 1:11)
  • He planed our days before we were born (Psalms 139:16 re David; Galatians 1:15 re Paul; Jeremiah 1:5 re Jeremiah)
  • He gifts his children to Stewards as “a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward” (Psalms 127:3), gifted in accord with the precept expectations of Genesis 1:28
  • He governs by exercising his dominion over all human affairs/nations (Job 12:23, Psalms 22:28, Acts 17:26, 14:16)
• What are our distinctive properties that influence (naturally bias) the way we act?
  • Genesis 2 details specifics
  • Song of Songs provides even greater details
  • Proverbs dives into the nitty-gritty of Genesis 2, speaking to our horizontal and vertical relationships in Covenant life
  • NT authors like Paul, Peter, and James amplify specifics of what’s ordained in Genesis 2
  • Jesus instructs us as to how these Genesis 2 family ordnances (HOME) are to be fulfilled, explaining the oneness of the Trinity that we are expected to emulate (see Endnote 17)
  • The stories of Jonah and Peter demonstrate why information about God should not be left to just rest upon one’s soul, rather, as quickly as possible, information is to be internalized into heart-felt emotions of gratitude
    • The stories of Jonah and Peter raise our awareness of the potential GAP in everyone’s time line, the GAP between information just sitting there, resting and when it’s converted into gratitude
    • Babylon can exploit this GAP as an entry-gate into the hearts of Baby Christians (Jeremiah 17:5-10; Matthew 12:33-37)
    • David’s story exemplifies how his Sacred Pathways (see Endnote 14) led him to emotionally trust God, a trust David acquired while protectively shepherding his flocks
  • In gifting his children:
    • God gives each child unique gifts according to his plan. These gifts include a predefine pathway(s) for forming, like David, an emotional attachment to him
    • Stewards can leverage these natural Pathways to close time-line GAPS, thus decreasing vulnerability to Babylonian temptations
  • Christ instructs Stewards to nurture his Father’s children by being servant-leaders. Vince Lombardi called it being a water-boy. The Harvard Business School teaches successful corporate managers how to do the same thing (see Endnote 18).
  • God, by example, shows Stewards how to validate and praise children, for praise is not only necessary for Stewards to feel completed by expressing their emotions of delight, but also to prevent Babylonian idols from ever taking root within hearts.

God designed us to be interpreters. We assign meaning to everything; we are “meaning makers.” So kids need reasons. Stewarding Parents, emulating God, provide meanings by example. They demonstrate a framework that always holds kids’ best interests first, and just like David’s story with Goliath, they have their backs no matter how bad or insurmountable things appear to be. Stewards give kids hope because they model hope. Kids learn that they are not alone, that God, in his providence, is intimately involved in their struggles. They learn that it’s God’s providence that provides meanings.

Should we encounter Babylon, it’s because our Father knows that we still need to learn something, something is incomplete as to our relationship with him and with others. But, it’s never too late: The reality is that former and active porn seekers can learn to bond in oneness, for God never quits, even though we may have quit on him. He pursues us like a hound dog, reaching out to us with his right hand holding mercy and hope, leading sexual sinners first to humility and then to oneness. Hopefully, this paper motivates some to seek that help from someone they trust and respect, to cure their heart disease and form God’s secure attachment to their spouse and family. The transformation process is a process that, by God’s design, cannot be solitary.

Hank Miiller lives in Newton, Penn., attends Covenant Church in Doylestown, and is a Biblical Counselor specializing in abusive relationships, earnings from which support a non-profit charity, On Eagles Wings Ministry.

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[i] T. Desmond Alexander, THE CITY OF GOD, Crossway, 2018, Chapter 7, “Seeking the City That Is to Come,” pp. 141-162.

[ii] The Hebrew word in Genesis 11:9 translated as Babel or as Babylon is Babel. The wordplay used here is that in Hebrew Babel sounds like the Hebrew word for confused. Proverbs calls them fools, 72 times in the NIV.

[iii] T. Desmond Alexander, THE CITY OF GOD: p. 154-155.

[iv] Paul David Tripp, REDEEMING MONEY, How God Reveals and Reorients Our Hearts, Crossway, 2108.

[v] Dr. Gary Sibcy, DISCONNECTED AND UNRESPONSIVE, Understanding Attachment Disorders, Christian Counseling Today, Vol. 22, No. 4 (May 2018), p. 34. Dr. Sibcy is a Professor of Counseling at Liberty University and a licensed clinical psychologist with the Piedmont Psychiatric Center.

[vi] See my paper How Should We Understand “Her Desire” in Genesis 3:16b? for the parsing of Genesis 2:22-25.

[vii] The Theology of HOME, the underpinning of The Blessing of Genesis 1:28, is a Genesis 2 Creation teaching, as discussed in the reference cited in Endnote “vi.”

[viii] James K. Childerston, BEYOND CHEMISTRY, Understanding the Neurobiology of Sex, Christian Counseling Today, Vol. 21, No. 1 (2014), pp. 10-15. Another reference is Dr. Kenneth Rosenberg, IN-FIDELITY, Hachette Book Group, 2018.

[ix] Attachment Theory Explained is a transcribed interview with Dr. Sibcy in 2002, hosted by Dr. Clinton, President of the American Association of Christian Counselors. See also Endnote “v.”

[x] Dopamine functions symbiotically with testosterone. So it’s not surprising that addictions often start during the teen years concurrently with becoming sexually active.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that the frontal cortex, the executive part of our brain is the part of the brain that’s tasked with guiding us to think before we act, connecting-the-dots between actions and their consequences. This “executive” is still maturing well into one’s 20s. This is the cognitive function that’s placed at risk by nicotine exposures, and also why Babylon’s seduction of young brains is so effective.

[xi] William M. Struthers, WIRED FOR INTIMACY, InterVasrity Press, 2009.

[xii] In oneness, spouses can experience the rapture of the Trinity (John 17:21). Tim Keller, founding pastor of Redeemer in NYC, refers to this as the gloriousness of God’s divine design of our brains (the fruit of the art of gift-giving) as an “embodied out-of-body experience” (call it rapture). “It’s the most ecstatic, breathtaking, daring, scarcely-to-be imagined look at the glory that is our future.” See Tim and Kathy Keller’s THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE, Penguin Group, 2011, p. 236.

[xiii] Dallas Willard, RENOVATION OF THE HEART, Putting on the Character of Christ, NavPress, 2002.

[xiv] INFORMATION before EMOTION – the GAP: Peter and the prophet Jonah are two examples of God’s Word resting on a heart only as information.

In Jonah’s case we see God’s unsinkable grace, mercy, patience, and slowness to ager, not giving up on Jonah’s heart that was embedded with Babylonian pettiness, selfishness, and anger. We know that Jonah ultimately closed his GAP since he authored the OT book.

Peter was a natural leader, but he also was an impetuous leader, seeking to “stand out, be seen as a leader.” Peter’s lack of the emotional connection (GAP) caused him to fear of authority (scripture names humanity’s propensity to place one’s self above God as FEAR OF MAN). Three times before the rooster crowed that fateful morning, Peter feared authority. Later, the risen Christ (John 21:15-19) redeemed Peter; then again, some 17 years later at Antioch (Galatians 2:11-12), Peter redisplayed his fear of what others [the Jerusalem Jews] might think (FEAR OF MAN) if he did not eat with them. So he ate with the Jerusalem Jews, rather than eating with the Antioch Gentiles as was his custom. Paul publically rebuked Peter for his FEAR OF MAN.

FEAR OF MAN (Proverbs 29:25) is not trusting God – we fear a relationship with another either as a threat (like Peter) or fear the loss of being completed by another.

Help in Closing the GAP: Gary Thomas, SACRED PATHWAYS, Discover Your Soul’s Path to God, Zondervan, 2000, identifies 10 pathways that likely relate with the unique gifts God gives every child. Parents, by recognizing these indicators as guides to spiritual temperaments, might be able to leverage their teaching of the Word along more customized lines. The 10 pathways are: naturalists, sensates, traditionalists, ascetics, activists, caregivers, enthusiasts, comtemplatives, and intellectuals.

For example, scripture tells us that David was a shepherd by occupation and an artist, who had learned to trust God while taking care of his flocks: 1 Samuel 16:19, 23; 17:34; and Psalm 8, 18, and 19, suggest that David’s sacred pathways to knowing God were likely a naturalist and sensate.

[xv] Two books on stewardship parenting are highly recommended:

First is Paul David Tripp’s book PARENTING, 14 Gospel Principles that can Radically Change Your Family, Crossway, 2016. To convey his point that parentis are God’s stewards raising his children, Tripp uses Paul’s AMBASSADORSHIP terminology in 2 Corinthians 5:20 to describe the function of a steward – the Ambassador always reflects the King’s interests and policies.

Second recommended book is Julie Lowe, CHILP PROOF, Parenting by Faith not Formula, New Growth Press, 2018. As a freedom-over-formula book, Julie provides biblical insight and encouragement to parenting by faith, not by rules. Julie encourages parents to cultivate personal and intimate care for their children, modeling God’s individual, personal, and fatherly care for his children – that’s bonding, that’s creating his HOME, that’s parenting by applying proactively his Wisdom, knowing in advance what temptations Babylon’s culture has waiting, and forearming kids so they will not be snared. Julie explains how parents can learn to know their children well (see also Endnote 14 referencing Gary Thomas, SACRED PATHWAYS) and parent accordingly.

[xvi] Timothy Keller, THE REASON FOR GOD, Belief in an Age of Skepticism, Penguin Group, 2008, Chapter 14, The Dance of God, pp. 213-26.

[xvii] The early leaders of the Greek Church called the “Dance of God” perichoresis, derived from two Greek words peri, which means “around,” and chorein, which means “to give way” or “to make room,” a dance of three rotating about the center point of divine (sacrificial) love.  Perichoresis is described in John16:4 and17:1 – three (co-equal) persons perfectly embraced in love and harmony, expressing a depth of intimacy that we cannot fully comprehend, but we can try to emulate. Another example of perichoresis is found in John 3:16 and 15:26. Indications of the intimacy of triune oneness also can be found in John 10:15; Matthew 11:27; and Luke 10:22, for example.

Matthew 11:27 conveys the stark difference between “ownership” versus “stewardship” parenting. As Matthew states: “No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son [NIV].” The Father knows facts about the Son: fact knowing is the very point where “ownership parenting” stops cold! …  yet the Father knows even more about the Son, as in a oneness between Father and Son. The Father has intimate personal knowledge about the Son, which infinitely exceeds the knowledge that a human father can ever know about his son. While a Steward Parent can never be God, or wishes to pretend to be God, the Steward Parent strives to understand as deeply, as intimately as possible, his son. He “walks in his son’s shoes,” learning just what makes him tick, just like the spousal relationship ordained at Creation (Genesis 2:25). This knowledge is why the “Steward Parent” exhibits more Parenting Wisdom that an “Ownership Parent” can ever do.

For more perspective on the Trinity, see Vern Poythress, KNOWING AND THE TRINITY: HOW PERSPECTIVES IN HUMAN KNOWLEDGE IMITATE THE TRINITY, P&R Publishing, 2018, pp. 270-273.

[xviii] A search of the Harvard Business School surfaces helpful papers on leadership. First, is why husbands should aspire to be a “transcendent or Level Six leader.” Transcendent leaders see as their goal the Kingdom benefit of their HOME in sending children into the world equipped to serve God’s kingdom. Are You a Level-Six Leader

The second paper suggests that husbands, as leaders, develop a mind-set that includes taking inventory of their strengths and weaknesses (knowing, searching one’s heart), seeking feedback from subordinates (that’s your wife who’s your accountability partner), and asking questions, for leaders who ask questions are not Babylonian micro-managers.

What It Takes to Learn to Be a Leader

Lastly, a word of caution: Don’t over-act in trying to appear to be an “authentic” leader. Children are very perceptive. They will see right through you. They will see you as a fraud. So don’t monitor your words and behavior in order to attune yourself as a pretender before your children. Authenticity is essential and it must come from the heart, which is why the preceding paper is so important.

The Truth About Authentic Leaders

[Editor’s note: One or more original URLs (links) referenced in this article are no longer valid; those links have been removed.]