With apologies to CS Lewis – a different perspective on the current scene in Scotland….
My Dear Diabolos,

Superb job! It really gives me a great deal of pleasure to me to see how well your mission in Scotland is going. It is so deliciously ironic that this land that was once so feared to us, a land which even became known as the ‘people of the book’ is now almost completely turned around, and leading the way to what our enemies, the humans, so stupidly call ‘secularisation’. Ever since the Russian prophets of the 19th Century we have been looking for a way to undermine the basic foundations of marriage and freedom.

It has been difficult but now our goal is within sight. How absolutely wonderful that you managed to get the British Prime Minister to declare his intention of ‘redefining marriage’ – whilst of course at the same time talking about defending the family. It is clear evidence of how well our work has been done, that almost no-one in the elites of the media, political and cultural world, sees or is prepared to say how contradictory that is….

But you have even trumped that one. There we were thinking about how we could get the Scottish Parliament to try and kick-start the process, and lo and behold you come up with the genius idea of having the Church of Scotland in effect pronouncing itself in face of gay marriage. Superb! It almost seems too easy. Well done. But be careful.

Don’t overstretch yourself. I know it must be tempting to sport with the poor little darlings, but the Enemy is always dangerous. Of course he has the incredible weakness of actually caring for the pathetic creatures and he does like to have them on board and use them –for His Glory. How disgusting! Anyway please allow and older and wiser colleague to share some tactics with you. This is how we will destroy the Church in Scotland (and thus the whole society).

The groundwork has been done. Remember it is not the issue of sexuality (indeed be careful there – as the Enemy has already told them – unnatural expressions of sex are not the reason for punishment – they are the punishment) – we want to use that to undermine marriage and the other cornerstones of society that the Enemy has provided.

How clever it was of you to muddy the waters so that almost every politician, media opinion former and educator thinks that this is about ‘fairness, justice and human rights’. As long as they use the jargon and don’t think about the meaning we will be fine. There is nothing more fundamentalist than a secular fundamentalist who does not think that he is a fundamentalist. So in the name of tolerance, freedom and the family, they will destroy the family, and in the name of that same freedom and tolerance refuse to tolerate all those who dare to oppose them. Excellent! Those whom the ‘gods’ wish to destroy, they first made mad – how true!

Speaking of truth – and in general we try to avoid giving that word – it is SO ugly – our Father of Lies was particularly pleased with the appearance of the Bad Bishop on Radio Scotland – and in a church of Scotland…delicious….to hear a ‘man of the cloth’ denouncing the Bible as not being the Word of God, was marvelous. You have the enormous advantage of course in knowing that not only does the Bad Bishop not believe in our Enemy, he does not believe in you or I or our Father of Lies.

We are part of that great superstition from the past. That dark period from which more ‘enlightened’ (how wonderful that they use that word to describe the Darkness) beings such as himself, have liberated themselves. Remember that we do not want to get rid of religion; we want to use religion to suppress and uglify the horrendous instinct and knowledge of our Enemy, which he has installed in them. Here endeth the first lesson.

Now for the second. You are in danger of awakening many of the Enemy’s real friends out of their slumber. The one thing we do not want to see is them united as an army, praying and repenting. You would think that with such a brazen assault and splendid victory as has been ours in recent days, they would see the danger, unite together and as they say ‘smell the coffee’.

Thankfully there are few signs of that yet. You must keep them disunited. Get the ‘evangelicals’ to fight amongst one another, to denounce one another and to gossip about one another. We do not want a split in the Church of Scotland, which runs the danger of revitalizing those who actually believe. No – we want a split amongst the evangelicals. Make sure those who leave feel superior at their ‘sacrifice’ and indignant at those who remain. Convince those who stay that they have been ‘betrayed’ by those who leave, that the Church is on the cusp of another ‘revival’ and that they alone are the true custodians of the faith.

Better still sell them the myth that no one should ever leave Mother Church – forgetting that their particular denomination would never have been formed with that attitude. And give them as many straws to cling on to as you can. I particularly love the idea that after the decision, it is being put round that a ‘decision’ has not yet been made and that the Commission which was set up somehow offers hope of turning things around.

I realise that you thought this idea of mine would not work – after all who would be daft enough to think that after the decision had been made and a commission set up to look at the theological implications of that decision, that anything could be turned around? But offer these creatures even the slightest hope and they will grasp at it. Let them all reflect on personalities, histories, finances, politics, tactics – let them be so pre-occupied with these that they forget to ask their Master what he actually wants. Once the focus is on self, or on ‘my wee corner’, then you will find the rest easy.

By the way in this respect you need to be very careful that you do not create genuine martyrs and heros. I note with some concern that some individual ministers (and even worse their congregations) have been making what they would call a stand. Hit them hard. Hurt them. Ridicule them in the press, make them appear like dinosaurs. Cause tensions in any areas of their lives. Look for their weak spots. Tempt them. Wound them. Isolate them. Do not, I repeat, do not, let them get away with it. Our Gates cannot prevail against such boldness.

Thirdly you must use one of our greatest weapons – fear. Not of course the awesome, terrible, humbling fear of the Enemy that he calls the beginning of Wisdom. No – you must work on the fears of the flesh. There is so much to be afraid of. Let them think – ‘what will society think?’. Let them fear the loss of buildings and income (and there you have a double victory – they teach against materialism and preach that ‘the Lord will provide’ and yet it is so easy to demonstrate that they hardly believe it). Let them fear the loss of their congregations – but again don’t over egg this one.

There is a legitimate concern that these shepherds will have for the poor sheep and some will make genuine sacrifices for them. They really do love the horrible creatures. But get them to speak of ‘my’ people, and you are almost there. Why? Because of course they are not ‘their ‘ people, they are ‘His’ people. Let them think that ‘their’ people cannot do without ‘them’. Do not let them fear the loss of the One True Shepherd. He can stand at the door and knock all he wants. You just make sure they don’t let him in!

Meanwhile you must not forget the others who profess to follow the Enemy. The Free Church Assembly was an enormous disappointment. When was the last time a Scottish denomination changed something so apparently essential to their identity and did not split? You let that one slip. Of course the Free Church is tiny and has been in denial about its own importance and health for a number of years – however be careful – there are disturbing signs that they are beginning to wake up!

Just in case any of the C of S men have any inclination to uniting with their brothers in the Free Church remind them of how ‘backward, Highland, insular and out of touch’ they think the Free Church is – of course it does not matter if it is true or not – just let them feel it is true and you will prevent at least one catastrophic reunion! I don’t have time to write to you about the Baptists (wonderful name!) or the Charismatics, Catholics, Anglicans and others. In each of these groups there are believers in our Enemy, but thankfully they have not really got round to seeing that they are on the same side. Loyalty to the tribe/denominational identity so often overcomes the Family loyalty.

Overall I am pleased with your work. But don’t be complacent. The job is only half done. The Enemy says that the battle belongs to him. He has weapons and resources that are far more powerful than you have faced up to now. (If you can bear it look at Ephesians 6 to see the list). If ever the Church in Scotland returns to believing and acting upon the Word, we will be in real trouble. Isolate and nullify those that do and you will succeed.

Yours diabolically,
Your Senior, Pseudos

PS. It has come to my attention that in your cleverness and pride (normally such an admirable quality!) you are neglecting some of the more traditional and useful tools we have. I should not need to remind you but I must insist on you continuing to use three of our oldest weapons. Accusation, Confusion and Gossip.

Accusation: Two of the great accusations in this latest battle are two of the best. Firstly you ensure that the question of human sexuality is brought up in public and then you accuse our Enemy’s followers of being obsessed by it when they answer. It works so well. We bring up the question – they get the blame! Then if they answer the questions logically, clearly etc. just accuse them of being ‘unloving’. In the culture we have created this is such a wonderful weapon and usually kills everything. Of course the humans don’t understand ‘love’ as the great and terrible word that is the essence of our
Enemy. Just think of it more as ‘being nice’. “that’s not nice….you will hurt my feelings’ is an almost unanswerable accusation, at least in the self-obsessed framework within which most of the little darlings emote.

Confusion: This remains as simple and effective today as the day it did when our Father Below first used it on Eve…Did God really say? Confuse them about the Word of God. Now you would think that this would be hardest of all amongst those who wear the badge ‘Evangelical’ and claim to follow the Word. But it is remarkably easy. First of all sow the seeds of doubt as to what the words really mean. You know the kind of thing – Sodom and Gomorrah was really about hospitality not homosexual rape. Play on their absurd cultural pride and belief that they are more progressive and knowledgeable than their ancestors and that they actually are better able to understand the Bible than Paul or Jesus!

Of course they won’t think this about Christ, but we can easily convince them just to invent their own personal Jesus – who, amazingly, thinks just the way they think! Secondly tell them that this is just a secondary matter and let them think that the primary matters are grand, big and something that they get (and their opponents do not). And the vaguer the better. It was that horrendous character, GK Chesterton who caught us out on this one – as he put it – those who profess love for all mankind are really just professing love for themselves. However you do it – just get them to the point where they are the ones who determine what the Bible actually means and even better, convince them that they have the ability and right to re-write it! Once you get the creatures thinking that they know better than the Creator – we have won.

Finally if all else fails – use gossip to destroy. This is one of the more enjoyable parts of our work. Let the creatures talk ABOUT one another, rather than TO one another. Let them devour each other. All kinds of rumours are helpful. Everything from character flaws, to personal relationships and serious questions of judgement. Use them all. It gives the creatures a smug sense of superiority over one another, feeds that great friend of ours, their insane pride, and sows dissension, discord and jealousy. And it wears them down. Use it…..For The Gates of Hell!

David Robertson is a minister in the Free Church of Scotland. He is currently serving as the pastor of St. Peter’s Church, Dundee (a pulpit once filled by Robert Murray M’Cheyne. He serves as editor for the Free Church of Scotland Monthly magazine, as well as being chaplain for the University of Dundee. This article first appeared on his blog, http://www.stpeters-dundee.org.uk/davidblog, and is reprinted with his permission.