The Lord looked with favor on Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth. He did not see their simple desire to be mommies as less-than-holy. In our zeal for “the orphan,” let’s make a point to come alongside the infertile couples we know. Let’s pray for them. And let’s acknowledge that, open womb or not, we all want children.

November is National Adoption Month with its first Sunday designated as Orphan Sunday. Since 2009, the Christian Alliance for Orphans has highlighted this day to raise awareness in the church of the global orphan crisis.

Throughout the United States, churches are recruiting and educating families to care for the fatherless. On its website, the Christian Alliance for Orphans lists 245 local church partners in 37 states, plus a membership of over 100 other organizations. Even The Wall Street Journal called recent times “a season of adoption for evangelicals.”

Adoption has never been more trendy.

The number of orphans in the world is staggering—163 million by some estimates—and the push to care for them is important. Orphan ministry combines the physical provision of Matthew 25:34-40 with the spiritual mission of Matthew 28:19. Adopting an orphan from poverty of body and soul into a Christ-loving home is a worthy ministry.

(In the name of full disclosure, I should say that our youngest son was born in Mississippi and adopted by us when he was eight days old. And that we are leaving in a few weeks for the African country where his 2 1/2 year-old brother-to-be is waiting for us in an orphanage. We even appeared on our local TV station to promote Adoption Month.)

I am “can’t-imagine-my-life-without-it” pro-adoption.

But, along the way, after interacting with social workers, pastors, adopted children, and adoptive families; after support group meetings, grant application essays, and more training hours than I can remember to report; I suspect that the evangelical adoption community may be forgetting something. Or someone.

“Religion that pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (James 1:27) is the poster-verse for many families and ministries promoting adoption and foster care.

Dan Cruver, director of Together for Adoption, quotes this verse, then writes, “Can you think of a better visible testimony to a watching world of what God has done for us in Christ than caring for orphans in their need and helplessness?”

I agree that orphan care is important. But I fear we may be so enthusiastic about the “orphans” that we are neglecting the “widows.”

How should we define widows and orphans? Most basically, they are women who have lost a husband or children who have lost a parent. Fine. But, shouldn’t we also recognize widows and orphans for the implications of their situation?

Surely their similar needs are why James 1:27 (and Isaiah 1:17, another orphan care proof text) lists them together? Widows and orphans are people who lack the necessary support of biological family structures and so require that support from the family of Christ.

And many well-intentioned people involved in orphan care ministries are perilously close to visiting the orphan but forgetting the widow.

Two types of widows, lacking essential support and comfort, are particularly vulnerable to being overlooked—or even hurt—by a careless orphan ministry: barren women and birth mothers.

Barren women or, more broadly, people without biological children, are suddenly joined in the adoption frenzy by couples with multiple biological children. The families may have the same ultimate goal (welcoming a child into their home) but they often think about it in different ways.

One night, a prospective adoptive mom, waiting to be matched with a child in Africa, said to me: “I mean, I can have children! I’m doing this for the orphan.” This kind of high-mindedness is common among prospective adoptive families but can be hurtful to the infertile.

Another woman, this one childless, came for the first time to our local adoption group. She wept to me in the corner of the room: “I’m sorry. I just didn’t know there would be so many kids here.” And there were—running, shouting, laughing, hugging their mommies, and playing with their siblings—kids everywhere. We adoptive families do love kids.

But, somehow, we can act like the desire to be a parent is inferior to love for the orphan.

Russell Moore, Dean of Theology at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, wrote an article recently entitled “Don’t Adopt!” that was linked by countless adoption blogs and online adoption forums. His article ended with the startling statement: “If what you like is the idea of a baby who fulfills your needs and meets your expectations, just buy a cat. Decorate the nursery, if you’d like. Dress it up in pink or blue, and take pictures. And be sure to have it declawed.”

Dr. Moore and his wife struggled with infertility, and his compassion for infertile couples is evident in his book Adopted for Life and his May 2011 article “Remember the Infertile on Mothers’ Day.” But the get-a-cat-not-a-baby article has become an inside joke I’m sure he never intended.

The insiders are those who are not infertile, who are investing thousands of hours, dollars, and air miles to care for orphans; or who are adopting older children, abused children, special needs children. They have principles, a calling to a ministry. The outsider is the barren woman who just wants a baby.

We must not forget her. The Lord doesn’t.

The Lord looked with favor on Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth. He did not see their simple desire to be mommies as less-than-holy. In our zeal for “the orphan,” let’s make a point to come alongside the infertile couples we know. Let’s pray for them. And let’s acknowledge that, open womb or not, we all want children.

The other widows who can get sidelined in the orphan care rush are birth mothers. By “birth mothers” I mean people (of either gender) who have children but also unmet needs. These can be single moms or dads, pregnant teens, or, of course, those who give their biological children to be adopted.

These are people who need the family of Christ to support them as they honor God in the midst of difficult family situations. In the buzz about caring for children, we can sometimes overlook parents.

Recently, I have been astounded by the amount of money people are willing to donate to help orphans. I hear adoptive parents report regularly, “We just got a donation of $3,000 dollars to our family’s adoption fund!” I am thankful to see people embracing James 1:27, but I can’t get Galatians 6:10 out of my mind either: “let us do good to everyone, especially those who are of the household of faith.”

I wonder what the single mom of three in the front pew could do with that $3,000? I wonder if anyone even thought to ask her if she wanted a cup of coffee?

In a global society, my neighbor is everywhere within reach, and this is a labyrinthine responsibility for Christ’s followers. Is the orphan in Ethiopia my neighbor? Yes. But should I champion that child’s needs while neglecting the divorced dads and teen moms in my own community? I think not.

Widows, of all kinds, are complicated. Which is exactly why we should not overlook them. In fact, the first-century widows were so much work that the early church had to ordain a separate office of leaders just to care for them. They were extremely needy, and, what’s more, they fought with each other.

Modern widows come with grief, loss, and sin, too. They aren’t quite as adorable as orphans, and helping them is never as clear-cut. But they are the “b” to James 1:27a, and visiting them is part of pure religion.

The other day, a woman at the playground took one look at my “conspicuous family” (adoption-speak for: we aren’t all the same color) and said, “My church is starting an orphan care ministry; can I pick your brain?”

If she calls, I’m going to say: don’t forget the widows.

@Copyright 2011 Megan Evans Hill – used with permission
Megan is a PCA ‘Preacher’s Kid’ married to Rob Hill who is pastor of St. Paul Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Jackson, MS She and her mom, Patsy Evans, blog at Sunday Women.

Sources:

Cruver, Dan. “Small Churches Doing Orphan Care.” Ed Stetzer blog. 26 August 2010. http://www.edstetzer.com/2010/08/thursday-is-for-thinkers-dan-c.html

Christian Alliance for Orphans website. 2011. http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/

Moore, Russell D. Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches. 2009: Crossway.

—.“Don’t Adopt.” Moore to The Point blog. 12 October 2011. http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/10/12/dont-adopt/

—. “Remember the Infertile on Mother’s Day.” Moore to the Point blog. 5 May 2011. http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/05/05/remember-the-infertile-on-mothers-day/

Riley, Naomi S. “Adoption Season for Evangelicals” The Wall Street Journal. 24 September 2010. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703743504575494263102089970.html

Together for Adoption website. 2011. http://www.togetherforadoption.org/