There are many reasons to fight sin, especially sexual sin. This article is focused on one particular reason that the Bible legitimizes—sin harms the sinner. The book of Proverbs is full of warnings not to sin because it will lead to pain, suffering, and death. Wanting what is best for your life is not selfish, especially if that desire is aligned with God’s will. God didn’t create us as stoics who only obey because it’s the right thing to do. The promise of blessing and reward for obedience is woven throughout every section of Scripture.

The sneakiest trick pornography ever pulled was convincing the user that it brings some benefit to their life. Pornography’s big lie is wrapped up in FOMO—the fear of missing out.

Let me be clear. Pornography brings zero benefit to your life. One free secular resource for helping men quit pornography is called Easy Peasy. Chapter 10 is entitled “Advantages of Being a Porn User”—followed by two completely blank pages! It’s a clever tactic to dispel pornography’s greatest lie: all the pain, tears, broken relationships, and self-harm that come with pornography are somehow worth its benefits. That is fundamentally the wrong premise. It’s not a cost/benefit analysis. It’s only cost, with zero benefit.

Why Do We Believe the Lie?

Easy Peasy helpfully describes how pornography deceives us. Pornography gives the illusion of help and benefit through the release of dopamine as someone searches for pornography. Notice I said “searches,” not “looks at.” The author distinguishes the experience of the hunt as more intoxicating than the kill. This is why the strongest feelings of pleasure a porn user experiences are not during an orgasm, but during the search for new pornography. They don’t want the hunt to end because that’s when the spell is broken, they awaken from the illusion, and they’re back in a reality that’s worse than before they started.

Many people turn to porn because they think it will take the edge off some painful experience like boredom, anxiety, stress, or disappointment. And for a moment, it seems to work. But afterwards, they realize that the pain didn’t go away. Pornography only added a new layer of suffering and despair.

Pornography is like an abusive boyfriend. You gain nothing by staying in that relationship. He only hurts you. But somehow, as much as you have determined to leave and never come back, you find yourself hypnotized once again by his sweet-sounding texts and promises to love you better, feeling strangely obliged to stay with him.

Switching Your Mindset to Break Pornography’s Big Lie

“That was the last time; I’m never going back.” Have you ever said that? There are two fundamentally opposite mindsets that can accompany those words, the loss mindset and the freedom mindset.

1. The Loss Mindset. The first mindset all but guarantees you will go back. The loss mindset leaves pornography but constantly looks back, believing that you’re giving up something good. You know you should give it up, but you also believe you’re losing something of value. This was Lot’s wife’s mindset. She was escaping both the sin of Sodom and the judgment of God. But she didn’t see it that way. She believed she was losing by leaving.
2. The Freedom Mindset. The opposite of the loss mindset is the freedom mindset. This mindset views leaving pornography as finally being set free from prison. You hated being captive to this monster, and now that you’re free, you’ll do whatever it takes to remain free. Every day of freedom fills you with gratitude. Some days, it feels too good to be true—but it is true! The spell of pornography’s big lie has been broken, you see porn for what it is, and you shudder at the thought of ever returning to it.

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