Though we fall short in many ways when it comes to the virtue of gentleness, it is important to remember that Jesus Christ is an inexhaustible fountain of gentleness, and that he gently invites us to draw freely upon his inexhaustible fullness: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).

ABSTRACT: We live in an age of outrage, an age when anger inflames our public discourse, disrupts our families, and distorts the church’s witness to the world. If the vice of anger is among the severest spiritual afflictions of our age, then the virtue of gentleness is among the most needful spiritual medicines. Far from weakness or mere “niceness,” gentleness is self-mastery flowing from humility and the fear of the Lord. Christians cultivate gentleness in union with Christ, the fountain of all gentleness, who gently invites us to draw freely upon his inexhaustible fullness.

Until recently, the inability to control one’s anger, because it was somewhat rare and exotic, was something we could laugh about. Late-night talk show hosts lampooned road rage. Anger Management was the title of a 2003 comedy film starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson.

Today, lack of impulse control is no rarity and no laughing matter. We live in a world aflame with anger. A recent New York Times documentary tells the story of the online “Outrage Machine” that, with a little misinformation and a viral hashtag, can rally a social-media mob and destroy a person’s life. On college campuses, many have lost the ability to interact reasonably with opposing viewpoints. Students complain of being triggered by “microagressions” and demand the summary dismissal of anyone who would offend them, calling for “safe spaces” where fragile perspectives can rest unchallenged by opposing arguments.¹

When it comes to public discourse, we have become a culture that sees red. Our constant state of unhinged political outrage makes us unable to process reality, unable to determine wise courses of action, and unable to carry them through with calmness, deliberation, and justice. In our churches and homes, we also witness the consequences of untamed anger. How many ecclesiastical debates go unresolved because there are no adults in the room to discuss issues with cool heads? How many marriages have been destroyed by wrath, quarreling, and resentment? How many parents have traumatized their children because they cannot control their tongues, “setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell” (James 3:6)?

We have anger issues.²

Antidote to Anger

When the vice of anger is the spiritual diagnosis, Holy Scripture prescribes the virtue of gentleness or meekness as the spiritual medicine. Gentleness is the spiritual virtue that tempers or moderates the desire for vengeance we experience when we suffer or witness injustice. According to Protestant moral theologian Niels Hemmingsen, gentleness is “the virtue by which minds that have been rashly stirred up toward hatred of someone are restrained by kindness.”³

Such gentleness is widely commended in Holy Scripture. Psalm 37 counsels us to “fret not” ourselves “because of evildoers” (Psalm 37:1) and declares that “the meek shall inherit the land” (Psalm 37:11). Psalm 45 celebrates a handsome king who rides out victoriously in battle “for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness” (Psalm 45:4). Zephaniah 3:12 promises that, in the latter days, the Lord will remove the proud and haughty from his holy mountain and leave “a people humble and lowly” who will take “refuge in the name of the Lord.” In similar fashion, Zechariah 9:9 prophesies the day when a king will come into Jerusalem “humble and mounted on a donkey.”

Matthew 5:5 echoes the beatitude of Psalm 37:11, declaring that the meek “shall inherit the earth.” In Matthew 11:29, Jesus presents himself as one who is “gentle and lowly in heart.” And in Matthew 21:5, Jesus enters Jerusalem, in fulfillment of Zechariah’s prophecy, “humble and mounted on a donkey.” In Ephesians 4:2 and Colossians 3:12, Paul encourages us to clothe ourselves with “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” Similarly, James 3:13 calls the wise among us to demonstrate by our excellent way of life that our works are performed “in the meekness of wisdom.”

Gentleness has a central role to play in the storyline of scriptural revelation and in the Christian life. The gospel proclaims that divine Wisdom has become incarnate in the gentle and lowly person of Jesus Christ, and that, in and through Jesus Christ, divine Wisdom comes to indwell us by the Spirit of Christ. In Christ, God calls us to be a gentle and lowly people who, forsaking all forms of vicious anger, and boasting in God alone, are prepared to receive the good gifts that God would give us and to share those good gifts with others.

If the vice of anger is indeed among the severest spiritual afflictions of our age, then the virtue of gentleness is among the most needful spiritual medicines. In what follows, we will consider the spiritual virtue of gentleness, addressing three questions: What is gentleness? Where does gentleness come from? How can gentleness be cultivated?

What Is Gentleness?

In order to appreciate what gentleness is, we must first understand what it is not.

Gentleness is not a personality type. Both big personalities and quiet personalities are called to exhibit gentleness.

Gentleness is not Stoic lack of emotion. Gentleness is the moderation of emotion, not its absence.

Gentleness is not weakness. Nor is it timid lack of agency. Gentleness is a form of strength that enables a distinctive kind of agency that, in the long run, is the most productive kind of agency, for it bears “a harvest of righteousness” (James 3:18).

Finally, gentleness is not mere “niceness.” The gentle person is not someone who is never disagreeable, someone who never upsets the status quo. In fact, there is a kind of niceness that is the counterfeit form of true and godly gentleness.

Habits and Virtues

We can better appreciate what gentleness is by locating it among the virtues.

Habits are settled dispositions that predispose us to think, feel, and act in specific ways. One can have good habits and one can have bad habits. Virtues are habits of intellectual and moral excellence, whereas vices are habits of intellectual and moral decadence.

Titus 2:11–12 teaches that the grace that saves us is also a grace that trains us in virtue: “The grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live temperate, righteous, and godly lives in the present age” (ESV, altered). Included among the list of virtues mentioned in Titus 2:11–12 is the virtue of temperance or moderation. If godliness is the virtue concerned with our relation to God, and righteousness is the virtue concerned with our relation to neighbor, temperance is the virtue concerned with our relation to self. Temperance is the virtue that moderates our appetites in accordance with divine wisdom.

God created us with various appetites for food, drink, sex, honor, justice, and so forth. Because these appetites are created by God, they are fundamentally good.

However, sin disorders our appetites. Due to the blindness of sin, wisdom no longer governs our desires (Ephesians 4:22). Our appetites thus either rule us in wild excess (2 Peter 2; James 4:1), or else we try to suppress our appetites through expressions of false virtue, following the dictates of false religion: “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” (Colossians 2:21).

God’s grace in Christ renews and reorders our appetites. Far from destroying our appetites, grace trains us to renounce our sinful appetites and, by means of the virtues, to moderate our appetites so that they can function in accordance with divine wisdom for God’s glory and the common good.

Gentleness and Anger

Gentleness, then, is a form of temperance or moderation. Gentleness is the virtue that tempers our anger, wrath, and desire for vengeance when we suffer or witness injustice.

Because it is a form of temperance, gentleness is distinct from self-control. With self-control, our anger is held in check by bit and bridle. Like a Doberman pinscher that, only when muzzled, is able to be in the presence of humans, self-control restrains our passions. With gentleness, our anger is tamed and trained by wisdom. Like a Doberman pinscher that is able to walk peacefully on the neighborhood sidewalk, held only by a leash, gentleness is more than self-restraint; it is self-mastery.

Gentleness is the moderation, not the absence, of anger. Gentleness is the virtuous middle road (the “mean”) between prideful anger (anger in excess) and lazy apathy (anger in defect). Gentleness is opposed to all forms of prideful anger: “quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility” (2 Corinthians 12:20). But gentleness is also opposed to lazy apathy and insensitivity. The person who is “cool with everything,” who is never disagreeable, who always compliments and never criticizes, is not necessarily gentle. There are some things we should not put up with for the sake of “keeping the peace.” There are some cases where a failure to be angry is a failure with respect to virtue.

Meekness is not opposed to all forms of anger. The meek person does not forsake all desire for vengeance when wronged. That is an impossible ideal, not biblical meekness. The meek person entrusts vengeance to the Lord and, out of love for the offender, hopes and prays for the conversion and reconciliation of the offender (Romans 12:19–21).⁴

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