We can make an idol out of anything; so can our kids. But until we start to spot the idols in our lives, we can’t help our children see the false sources they turn to. Evaluating why we do what we do helps us identify our idols and subsequently turn from them.

The concept of idolatry may or may not be familiar to you, so let’s make sure we have the same understanding of what the words idol and idolatry mean. Unlike the Israelites bowing down to worship a golden calf or carved image of wood or stone, in our culture an idol is not typically a statue. However, today’s idols are similar to the idols in ancient biblical times in that they are still substitutes for God. Quite simply, an idol is whatever rules our hearts, whatever we worship. Pastor Tim Keller says that an idol is, “anything more important to you than God… anything you seek to give you what only God can give.”¹

For some of us what is most important to us—even before God—are things like our appearance, accomplishments, or reputation. Or what we hold most precious might be our wealth, education, career, talent, home, community, or vacation. It could also be a relationship, perhaps with our spouse, a friend, and, maybe most often, with our children. An idol can also be our desire for safety, need for order, or drive toward perfectionism.

The list is endless. And at any given moment a new idol can pop up, which means we don’t have just one idol. We may be prone to a particular idol, but as John Calvin wrote in his Institutes, “the human heart is a perpetual idol-factory.”² Therefore, we are likely to have an idol of the day, even an idol of the moment, seeking to take control of our heart.

Parenting Idols

Defining idols broadly helps us to understand that idols can run the gamut of all things, big and small, tangible and intangible.

How might treasuring something above God impact our parenting? There are some specific desires that we frequently elevate to idol status that drive our overparenting and under-parenting tendencies. I know from personal experience that it’s hard to uncover what we are worshipping instead of God, but having our sin exposed is good and necessary. God already knows what is in our hearts, and he doesn’t love us any less because of it. His smile remains, his acceptance never wavers. We are also all in the same boat. None of us are exempt from sinful idolatry so I’ll kick this list off by going first with an idol that frequently hijacks my heart and mind.

Control

Since the essence of idolatry is trying to throw off God’s rule and reign to seek after what we think will fill us, we can see why wanting control above all else is the epitome of idolatry. When we live as if we know better than God how our lives should run and what will satisfy, then we have put ourselves in the place of God. Isn’t this the age-old story that started in the garden with Adam and Eve? All it took was Satan’s whispering lie that God was withholding good from Adam and Eve. And Eve swung into action, taking things under her own control. We’ve been doing the same ever since.

I imagine you too sometimes find it really hard to believe God’s control is best and he will work things out. What if God’s plan isn’t to our liking? Can we take that chance? It feels especially hard to trust God with our kids, which makes the idol of control particularly enslaving for parents. If we are honest, we think we know better than God, so we go to work asserting our control in attempt to secure what we think is best.

Often, interwoven in our plans is evidence of other idols. Safety? Happiness? Success? Other people’s opinions? Do these strike a bell? We want to ensure our kids’ safety. We want to secure our kids’ happiness. We want to guarantee our kids’ success. We want others to think highly of our kids and us as parents. We act as if our life depends on it.

Throughout my children’s lives and still today, there are times I struggle to remember and believe that God loves my children even more than I do. My fears and unmet desires for my kids get the best of me and I worry about what God may take them through or leave them in. Therefore, I find in parenting the need for praying for them out of a posture of constant surrender.

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