Despite Adam and Eve’s disobedience, God still met their needs and will meet our needs now. When God sends them out of the Garden, He gives them superior clothing made of leather. He clothes them so they can have a sense of honor and dignity in the newly fallen world they must live in (Genesis 3:21). Honor is comparable to shame and is conferred on us by others. Like in the Garden, Jesus fulfills our needs and addresses our guilt and shame. He sees us for who we really are and loves us anyway. This is how you heal from shame and stand up for yourself – understand and believe what Christ says about you, not what others say about you.

The 17th hole at Old Course St Andrews is considered one of the most challenging holes in the world. This is a long Par 4 at 456 yards, and the fairway is very tight. The most challenging part of the hole is the green doglegs right around a hotel, making the tee shot blind. It gets even more complex. The wind on the 17th is infamous for making every shot tricky. You have to adjust your strategy and hit toward the rough. If you aim directly toward the green in a straight line, you will land in the rough. Like in golf, your strategy for reaching a goal will impact how sustainable the victory is.

When you exclusively focus on the end outcome, you will miss the strategy needed to get you there sustainably. It will be a flash in the pan. Shooting naively directly for the goal, hoping to get there as quickly as possible, you will only land in the deep rough. Then, prepare yourself to chop and chop through the thick brush of pain and suffering to get back on track. Myopically focusing on the goal will build your pyrrhic victory on a weak foundation and will fail to achieve your dreams.

Standing up for yourself and having courage can’t be achieved by staring aggressively at the end goal. This creates the worst versions of inauthentic masculinity. How you achieve your end goal of self-respect and confidence is less than sheer grit and more about what foundations you are building toward victory. How you play each shot leading up to the green will determine if you authentically stand up for yourself and have the courage for lasting change. To attain permanent courage, each shot must be well placed and measured to address your toxic shame by placing your identity in Christ and remembering who you are in light of the Cross. Establishing your identity in Christ is the enduring strategy to stop bowing to what the world and others say about you. It is the eternal and unshakable foundation which you can stand up for yourself from. Don’t run head first directly for the goal, or you will end up in a rougher spot than when you started.

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