In fact things got worse as I spiralled down into a deep pit of depression. I lost over two stone in weight, was an emotional wreck who wept at the least thing, and I became reclusive, not wanting to see or talk to anyone other than my family. I had no energy and spent the day lying on the sofa. I was given time off work and put on anti-depressants. I felt a complete failure and believed I was letting everyone down

The motto of the city of Geneva is post tenebras lux which means ‘after darkness light.’

It was adopted as the motto of the city at the time of the Reformation when the true light of the gospel came to the city and dispelled the spiritual darkness that had prevailed for hundreds of years. I have always thought that the motto is an apt summary of, not only my own personal spiritual experience, but also of my own experience of having battled with and come though a period of severe depression.

I grew up in Belfast, the eldest son of four children born to parents of a mixed marriage. My father was a nominal Protestant and my mother a Roman Catholic. Although neither of my parents attended church on any regular basis after they were married we were brought up as Protestants, our somewhat loose church affiliation being with the local Church of Ireland in Willowfield parish in east Belfast.

We lived in a part of Belfast which was religiously mixed. My best friend as a child was a Roman Catholic and during those early years I was happily oblivious to the sectarian tensions that had been building up in the early sixties. Sadly, like every community in Belfast, our community also suffered from the plague of sectarian violence when the ‘troubles’ began and several Roman Catholic families were forced to leave our area, The pain and trauma that I saw on the faces of the families that were forced to leave our street had a significant impact upon my young mind and I believe that this was one of the things that kept me from getting involved in the hateful sectarianism of the 1970’s and 80’s.

Although my parents didn’t attend Church my paternal grandmother did and she took me along to Sunday School and church most weeks. At the age of twelve I joined The Boy’s Brigade, mainly to play football. The company that I joined – 82nd Belfast – had a strict policy of only choosing people for the football team who attended Sunday morning Bible class and so, for purely selfish and pragmatic reasons I started attending Bible class each week. Although I was being influenced by the Christian officers and Christian lads around me I myself was not a Christian at this time. I was heavily involved in gambling, was drunk most weekends and smoked about 30 cigarettes a day – a typical teenager of the 1970’s.

However my life was to change dramatically when I met the girl to whom I have now been married for 30 years, Lynn. She was a Christian and invited me along to her church, an invitation I accepted, again, for selfish and pragmatic motives – I wanted to get the girl!! However through the messages I heard from the Bible each week I came to understand that I was a sinner and in need of forgiveness. One night after church I did what the pastor had encouraged me to do. I repented of my sin, asked God for forgiveness and committed my life to Jesus Christ trusting him as my saviour. From that night my life changed completely. I gave up smoking, drinking and gambling. My mates all thought I was mad and my parents thought this religious phase wouldn’t last.

Well it has lasted and now my Christian faith and my relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in my life. The spiritual darkness that I had lived in for years had given way to the spiritual light of the truth of the gospel. Post tenebras lux

Lynn and I got married in 1981 and God blessed us with two children David (now married to Jeana and living in Seattle) and Sarah (now married to Paul and living in Belfast.)

Being a Christian I wanted to serve God and so in 1986 I began my studies to train as a minister. Because I was married and had one child at that stage I had to keep working while I studied. Although my working career began in the building trade as a joiner I gave that up after four years and became a milkman. Each morning I would get up at 4.00am do my milk-round and then immediately afterwards go into college where I had a full day of lectures. After four years of college, in September 1990 I was ordained as a minister and installed in my first church, Dromara Reformed Presbyterian Church in Co Down. Everything in our lives at that time was perfect.

On Boxing Day of that same year I was overcome with a profound sense of anxiety and deep sadness. My wife and I put it down to exhaustion and expected it to pass in a day or so. It didn’t. In fact things got worse as I spiralled down into a deep pit of depression. I lost over two stone in weight, was an emotional wreck who wept at the least thing, and I became reclusive, not wanting to see or talk to anyone other than my family. I had no energy and spent the day lying on the sofa. I was given time off work and put on anti-depressants. I felt a complete failure and believed I was letting everyone down. When I was at my lowest my thoughts turned to suicide, even to the extent of planning how to carry it out. I genuinely and sincerely thought that everyone would be much better off if I was gone. I thought I was thinking rationally at the time but in hindsight I can see that I was a very confused individual.

Whilst my faith did take a battering during this period, thankfully it remained firm. I didn’t understand what was going in my life and in our life as a family nor why these things were happening to us but I did believe that God was in control and had a purpose in it. I held on firmly to that belief. Due to my deteriorating condition I resigned from my congregation and we as a family moved back to Belfast. Gradually, over a period of a few months, and with the loving care of my wife and help from others, I began to improve and in time eventually recovered from my depression. Post tenebras lux.

While living in Belfast my wife and I both secured employment and eventually things returned to reasonable normality for us as a family. Deep down however I knew that God had called me to be a minister and five years after resigning from the church the congregation in Limavady called me to be their minister. After much prayer and soul-searching we as a family agreed to accept the call and in September 1995 I was installed as the minister of that congregation.

During the fourteen years we spent in Limavady there were a few occasions when the darkness of the depression returned. Thankfully it was never as severe as before and a combination of being on a course of medication and also learning how to deal with such depression attacks meant that I could manage them and they would only last for a short time. We were thoroughly enjoying our ministry in Limavady and had the joy of seeing the church growing.

In October 2008 our denomination asked me to move to Co Fermanagh to start a new Church in Enniskillen. God, in various ways, made it clear to us that we should accept this challenge and so in March 2009 we moved to Enniskillen.

One of our outreach events in the local community was to organise a meeting at which I spoke on the subject of depression. This attracted a good number of local people and resulted in follow up work with some and also some who attended the meeting now attending our church. This also spawned another form of ministry called ‘Wits End Ministries’ which seeks to help people who are struggling with depression, alcohol and drug addiction, family relationship problems or other issues. We provide people with a listening ear and, when asked, Bible-based counsel relating to their problem

Other churches in Ireland heard about the talk and asked me to come to them and give a similar presentation. On each occasion there was a large response from the local community, most church buildings or halls being well-filled. Clearly depression is something that touches the lives of many people in our society. At these meetings I usually give an overview of my own experience of depression and then go on to give some up to date information and statistics regarding this illness. I also look at the symptoms and causes of this condition and then go on to suggest ways in which to deal with it. As a pastor I always include a spiritual aspect to the talk believing as I do that much of modern-day depression is rooted in spiritual causes.

I am willing to give this presentation in any church (home or abroad) and anyone wanting any further information about this should contact me by email at [email protected]

The Reverend Robert Robb is the Minister at the Enniskillen Reformed Presbyterian Church in Northern Ireland. This article was written especially for The Aquila Report.
@Copyright 2012 Robert Robb – All Rights Reserved