During this time, as far as my presbytery was concerned, I was not seen as a brother in crisis; I was just a problem. I suspect in many other presbyteries ministers are going through rough times. These brothers are experiencing a crisis in their lives.  Please do not look at them as a problem, but as brothers who need your personal presence and help.

I graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary (RTS) in Jackson in the late 1980s, was ordained in the early 1990s, and pastored PCA churches in Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida. Like most other ministers, I served on presbytery committees, many Committees of Commissioners at General Assembly, and on a GA Permanent Committee. I was a minister in good standing for over 25 years. I did not side with either the right or left of the PCA, I was in the middle, voting sometimes right and sometimes left.  I loved the PCA.

So, here I am writing this personal reflection some 15 years after my departure from the PCA as a Teaching Elder. Why? I write this with the hope that what happened to me will not happen to others. Right now, I am in a great place, God has been so faithful to me; I can joyfully sing His praises. I understand that during that dark time in my life, God was conforming me into the likeness of Jesus (Roman 8:29). Even now I am coming alongside some pastors who are in very difficult times both in their ministries and on their home front. I am not a counselor; I just am a brother who cares. We all know that ministry is hard and lonely.

Several years ago, my life and ministry, which had been for the most part vibrant, blew up in a matter of three weeks. I found out my wife was an addict, after she had been arrested for DUI. Unless you have dealt with an addict, none of this will make any sense to you. For years I thought my wife had medical problems and was under the care of doctors. Little did I know the extent of her addiction. How true I came to find this statement: “How do you know if an addict is lying? Their lips are moving!” In a matter of a few weeks, I lost my wife, my ministry, my income, and had to move to a different city and state to protect my children. Needless to say, it was a dark time. This is just a back story; I don’t need to go into more details.

During the next year, I slipped into situational depression. Depression is the real deal; if you know of someone in your family, church or presbytery who is going through this, reach out and love on them. While in this type of depression, simple tasks become difficult. All I wanted to do was climb into a dark cave and flee from everything.

This is what I would like to address: During this time, as far as my presbytery was concerned, I was not seen as a brother in crisis; I was just a problem. I suspect in many other presbyteries ministers are going through rough times. These brothers are experiencing a crisis in their lives.  Please do not look at them as a problem, but as brothers who need your personal presence and help. Set aside the Book of Church Order (BCO) and reach out to them.  In my circumstance, I felt like a lost sheep, no one reached out from my presbytery (which was my church), and as I was finding my way back, I was hit hard in the head with the BCO. One predominant member of my presbytery told me that I was causing great problems for our presbytery.

If you perceive someone in your presbytery is going through a tough time, maybe you can take the time to encourage him, praying with him before the beginning of the formal business. Search out others and spend time with each other outside of the regular meeting times. If they are like me, they have no idea what to say or share. Perhaps the business of Presbytery becomes so pressing that we forget to care for each other.  I attended well over 25 General Assemblies in my life, the last 10 or so the PCA looked like it was going to split or worse. However, each time God kept the PCA together. The PCA is his church; he will take care of it as he always has. Theology and good order are important, but so is caring for each other.

These numbers may not be exact, but they are close to the mark. Today in America, church attendance is trending downward. Around 40% of those in their 40s are regularly in church; 30% of those in their 30s are in church; 20% of those in their 20s are in church; and 10% of those in their teens and lower are in church. Why? Could it be the church is more concerned with the business of the church? Or focused on making sure the BCO is followed? Or that we are not looking to out for each other as a fellow laborer?  Could it be we have forgotten why we are in ministry? Maybe we’ve stop caring for each other because others are not on my side of the aisle?

Remember what Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Maybe if we did just that, the church attendance trendline would turn around. Yes, this is hard work, but if we do not care for each other then who will?

I still love the PCA. I have no bitterness towards anyone in it or my former presbyteries. I just believe we can all do better! It may be possible that there is a minister not too far away from you who desperately needs someone to love on him as Jesus loves him. Please, be that person!

Anonymous. A personal and encouraging word from a recovering pastor.