Before Jesus says even the first word regarding the steps involved in responding to a brother who sins against you, he addresses at length the subject of humility.

Every seminarian knows Matthew 18 as a classic text on church discipline. They know the orderly steps by heart. The hardest issue is perhaps defining which role the Bible is referring to regarding the “one or two others” found in step two of the process.

Recently, I’ve taken a fresh look at this chapter and have been reminded there’s a wealth of rich reasoning and guidance surrounding the embedded steps which are beneficial for all Jesus’ disciples. In fact, I’ve come to call this chapter the “discipline of the church” rather than “church discipline; the latter term, even if unintended, can tend to draw attention to the formal aspects of church discipline, which forms only one aspect of a much greater spirit and lifestyle which Jesus specifically commands. It’s this spirit that I write about.

At one time or another, we’ve all come across an objectionable Little League parent who in addition to memorizing the entire Little League Rule Book finds opportunities several times a season to show off his knowledge and inopportunely to make his point about a particular play as if he were the field’s forensic analyst. While most pastors and church members do not go this far when thinking about and applying the steps of discipline, it’s still possible to miss the bigger picture Jesus paints in Matthew 18. I know this, for I have done it.

To keep and apply this bigger picture, do the following:

1. Be Careful of your Attitude, Knowing God Cares

It’s important to note that BEFORE Jesus says even the first word regarding the steps involved in responding to a brother who sins against you, he addresses at length the subject of humility. Having communicated that a change of heart is not only necessary for entrance into the kingdom but necessary as a way of life for all of us who live and minister with his kingdom, Jesus commands his disciples saying, “See that you do not look down on one of these little ones.” Not ONE! Not ANY one! Not EVEN one! He’s referring at this point not to physical children as before, but to all those who are his children (any of whom at times might be weak spiritually, and given to sin).

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a husband or wife, a pastor or teacher, an elderly saint or the youngest in the congregation. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the brother who stabbed you in the back, the one who doesn’t socially fit in, the one who says things you disagree with, or the one you can’t stand to look at because of their sinful and erring ways. It doesn’t matter if it’s the one who is holding things over you or one withholding things from you. Isn’t it our tendency to think ourselves better than other sinners, or at least fail to think of them as “brothers” or sisters in Christ, ones for whom God cares and watches over?

Many reasons are given as to why this should not be our attitude – their guardian angels which abide in God’s presence, the fact that Jesus came to seek and save the lost, and your Father is NOT willing that “ANY” of these little ones should be lost (including being hardened, led astray, continuing in sin, have stumbling blocks put in their path, etc.). Therefore, our spirit and attitude should be the ‘same’ as the Father’s toward our brothers who sin. What a difference such a spirit, that looks first with humility to the believing sinner as a “brother,” would make in our personal lives, in our homes, in our church fellowship, and in our witness to the world.

2. Be Careful of your Handling, Knowing Christ is Present

The attitude and goal in approaching others with their sin is to “win your brother over,” not to settle an account, to make your case, to win an argument, or to hold your brother at bay for a while or to hold them under your control for a time. The thrust, therefore, is to seek repentance, reconciliation and restoration, and nothing less (though should these not come to pass, the conversations may serve other purposes as well). If God has nothing short of this for us, that is, that sin be dealt with and done away with and his people restored, then our aim should be no less. However, as experience shows, sometimes believers wonder whether it will do any good to approach their brothers, and other times believers feel like they are wasting their time going through the process.

Jesus provides two encouragements. First, he communicates that our efforts and actions in the Lord are meaningful and have present and eternal significance, not being done in vain or without effect: “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” This doesn’t mean God sits and waits in heaven to rubber stamp our actions whether sinful or not, but that as we carry out his will on earth, our actions matter as do the responses of others.

Additionally, Jesus says as we do the will of God, and those things in keeping with his will, then his will shall be worked out in these matters: “Again, I tell you that if two of you one earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” This doesn’t mean we will always see all the changes we desire, but we can trust Christ is with us in the process and that our prayers matter. Calvin affirms this understanding, “It is an inestimable blessing to have Christ as the President in all our affairs, to bless deliberations and outcomes….”

3. Be Careful of the Standard You Use, Knowing God Rules

Our human nature is not to allow others to go too far or get away with too much; it is more to set limits. Then when others cross those limits, whether it is three sins or seven, we want to cut them off from our fellowship, from our helps, from their enjoyments, or even from our lives and our compassionate mercies. The point of Jesus’ parable of the unmerciful servant is clear – NO LIMIT should be set to forgiving our brothers and sisters in Christ. We must imitate the goodness and longsuffering of the heavenly Father, who goes a long way to meet sinners and always shows a disposition to forgive, while looking for repentance.

This same attitude should be found in all the redeemed; while it’s true we may have a legal right to hold others to just account, recalling that we have received tremendous mercies ourselves, do we not have a moral obligation to show mercy to those who have sinned against us? We must keep in mind that if we want to use a standard of strict justice, without mercy with others, this same standard will be applied to us. Jesus says this plainly at the conclusion of the chapter, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” This is the case not so much because the Father waits to see how we deal with others before deciding how he will deal with us, but because the way we deal with others reveals whether our hearts have been changed or not.

When believers begin to see the discipline of the church from this perspective, Matthew 18 no longer serves as just a proof text or instruction guide for a specific few (church officers) while carrying out a specific task (church discipline), but unveils a spirit and mindset along with helps and commands for all God’s people in responding to sin within the body of Christ. Sin is sure to come, whether inside the body of Christ or otherwise, the question is: How will you and I deal with those who sin against us within the body of Christ? This should be our greatest concern.

Timothy G. Muse is a Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church in America and serves as Senior Pastor of Brandon Presbyterian Church in Brandon, Miss. This article first appeared on his blog, Christian Wordbearer, and is used with permission.