A Few Observations From My Recent Time in the Pit

It’s a bit difficult to trace back when I started going off the rails. But I know that last week the clouds began to break a bit.

The Spirit used these words to draw me to Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 103. Places that have been a life line for me time and time again. And again I noticed in Psalm 103 how God’s love for me, His dealings with me, is not fundamentally determined by my performance but by His settled decision to cast unremitting and eternal love upon me. That’ll blew me away. And the clouds started to lift.

 

After a few weeks of pretty deep depression I’m beginning to see the light again. I’m still not totally sure what the source of this latest bout actually was. Likely overworking and overthinking connected with a healthy dose of forgetting to apply the gospel to my own heart were the main culprits. Any time I start focusing on my own righteousness and performance depression is inevitable.

It’s a bit difficult to trace back when I started going off the rails. But I know that last week the clouds began to break a bit. Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 103 coupled with some well timed pieces of encouragement helped. A conversation with my wife where she told me that it was okay if I failed brought a great deal of relief. It kind of jolted me back to my senses. (My wife is such a source of joy and help for me. I doubt few will ever realize how amazing she is and how much I need her).

I thought I’d like to share a few random observations from my time in the pit.

Grounding God’s Love In His Character

I have to confess that Sam Storms’ book The Singing God is the type of book I typically roll my eyes at. And that’s to my peril. I know this and so I forced myself to read through this book and really digest God’s love for me. Starting this book came at a providential time for me.

A few paragraphs from that book helped tremendously. Storms begins by encouraging the reader to consider the depth of God’s love for His children. And to make such a thing personal. He writes things like, “So profoundly intimate is God’s devotion to you that He bursts forth in sacred song”. I usually dismiss those sentences. But I was desperate. I wished it was true of me, but at that moment I didn’t figure they were because I felt so worthless and discouraged and like a big failure. Then Storms got me:

But I don’t need to know you. I only need to know God! The issue here isn’t one of who you are or what you’ve done. It’s strictly a matter of the character of God and His determination to love you as revealed in the immeasurable sacrifice that He made on your behalf when He sent His only begotten Son to suffer in your place on the cross. Nothing else matters. (Storms, 9)

The Spirit used these words to draw me to Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 103. Places that have been a life line for me time and time again. And again I noticed in Psalm 103 how God’s love for me, His dealings with me, is not fundamentally determined by my performance but by His settled decision to cast unremitting and eternal love upon me. That’ll blew me away. And the clouds started to lift.

The Help of Tapping Out

Last Thursday I was at a tipping point.

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