If you have ever written anything or taught anything, you know it is as easy to rejoice in the praise of people as it is to rejoice in the truth. It is as easy to preach, teach, write or lead for the affirmation and applause of an audience as it is to do so for the sake of Christ and the glory of God. In fact, it is easier, more natural, more comfortable. And more dangerous.
This morning, I was confronted by God’s Word. Pastor David Gilbert faithfully preached Philippians 1:15-18 and because of my own divided heart, I was confronted by God’s word. I found two sections especially convicting:
“Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry . . . the former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition . . .”
” . . . in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.”
Here are the two realities in my heart that were confronted by these two sections of God’s word:
1. Sometimes I have been guilty of preaching Christ out of selfish ambition.
2. Oftentimes, I am more deeply disturbed by the pretense I perceive in others than I am deeply joyful at the fact that Christ is proclaimed.
I sometimes wonder why God puts up with us at all. If you’ve spent any time in Christian circles at all, you’ve clearly seen those whose ministry is motivated by ego and ambition. Oftentimes, these men are not preaching Christ but a false gospel – the prosperity gospel, universalism, self-esteem or pop psychology. But sometimes these are men who are preaching Christ, whose understanding of the gospel is orthodox and Biblical.
But here’s where the truth hits closer to home: If you have ever preached, you have experienced the reality of mixed motives in your own heart. If you have ever written anything or taught anything, you know it is as easy to rejoice in the praise of people as it is to rejoice in the truth. It is as easy to preach, teach, write or lead for the affirmation and applause of an audience as it is to do so for the sake of Christ and the glory of God. In fact, it is easier, more natural, more comfortable. And more dangerous.
Jesus said, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.” I think He meant it. I don’t think He was just being dramatic for the sake of effect.
Sometimes the voice of our own ego can seem so righteous. “It’s just not fair that Pastor So-and-So has thousands of people in his church and sells so many copies of his books” can appear virtuous, justified. The truth is that it’s just covetousness and pride wearing the sheepskin of self-righteousness.
This is why the two two realities in my heart confronted by the two truths in Philippians 1 are in fact deeply connected to the same root: pride. I can sometimes convince myself that I can handle the first issue, that I have it under control. I pray before I prepare a message, while I prepare a message, before I preach and while I preach. My deepest heart’s desire is truly that Christ would be magnified, not that people would think I am clever or articulate or engaging.
But then I get my nose bent out of shape so easily by the success of celebrity pastors. I don’t mean doctrinal error. That’s usually a different issue. When I am upset because of someone else’s success and my perception of their egotistical motives, this lays my heart open: I am upset because, deep down, I think I should be them. I think I deserve the following more than they do. I think my heart is more pure and I am more worthy.
Of course, I know better. My heart is a mixed-up mess of motivational mayhem. My own sin, ego, pride, flesh and agenda rear their ugly head too often. What’s the solution?
Well, why does God keep putting up with us? It is only for the sake of Christ, whose purity is so perfectly radiant that it covers our filthy rags of self-righteousness.
And so I must do what God does: Look at Jesus. Let His perfection, His righteousness, His beauty, His perfection, His finished work of complete redemption. As I see again how wonderful He is, my heart is drawn away from myself to Him. Then and only then, my motivation can be singularly aimed at His glory and I can rejoice whenever He is faithfully proclaimed and not care at all about what people think of me.
Lord, keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. Keep His person and work ever foremost in my mind. Keep His beauty and love ever dominant in my heart. May Christ in me, the hope of glory, be what the world sees in me. May His kingdom, His renown, His glory, His praise, His salvation be all that I long to see expand more and more in this world.
Jason A. Van Bemmel is a Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church in America. This article appeared on his blog Ponderings of a Pilgrim Pastor and is used with permission.