We cannot claim the moral and spiritual high holy ground with the method of education we choose for our children. Many parents may choose to educate their own children using different methods, putting some in school while home schooling others. Here I invoke the twentieth chapter of the Westminster Confession of Faith: “God alone is Lord of the conscience, and has left it free from the doctrines and commandments of men.”
Can we be free to choose according to conscience and also be free to love one another, despite our different choices?
It seems like few discussions spark as much heat and as little light and love among evangelical Christians as a conversation about schooling choices. If the old mantra is, “Never talk religion or politics in polite company,” then perhaps within the church, a more accurate mantra is “Never talk school options among Christian parents.”
But we are called to love one another and to live life together in community, loving and supporting one another. How can we do this if some of us choose to home school while others choose Christian schools, others choose non-Christian private schools and still other choose public schools (or feel like the only choice they have is public school)?
I know this is an emotional and volatile issue for some, while for others it is a matter of settled conviction or of practical necessity. As a pastor of a small church that has all three schooling choices represented among our four elders, nor to mention our congregation, may I suggest the following steps toward loving each other across what are sometimes hostile dividing lines of school choice?
1. Recognize that the Bible does not mandate one choice over the others.
We have no Biblical command mandating a particular method or environment for education. In fact, we can find a variety of means of education for the people of the Bible:
1. Moses was educated in all the ways of the Egyptians by tutors in Pharaoh’s palace.
2. Daniel and his friends received a high-level pagan education in the Babylonian Empire. Although this education was forced upon them, God used it for their good and the good of His people.
3. Saul of Tarsus had both a world-class secular education in Tarsus and a high-level Jewish education at the feet of Gamaliel in Jerusalem.
4. Many, if not most, of the people in the Bible received some form of home education. The Book of Proverbs largely contains the home-based education of a father for his teenage son.
We cannot claim the moral and spiritual high holy ground with the method of education we choose for our children. Many parents may choose to educate their own children using different methods, putting some in school while home schooling others. Here I invoke the twentieth chapter of the Westminster Confession of Faith: “God alone is Lord of the conscience, and has left it free from the doctrines and commandments of men.”
2. Acknowledge that the Bible entrusts the responsibility for education and educational choices with parents.
Education is clearly a parental responsibility, according to Scripture. All Scriptural commands dealing with education are addressed to parents, especially to fathers (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9 & Ephesians 6:4, among others) . While the Scriptural commands deal specifically with the spiritual education and Biblical training of children, the principle is clear: Since parents are responsible for raising their children, they are responsible for their education. In the three major institutions ordained by God – the home, the church and the state – education is to be determined and managed in the home.
Some people have used this Scriptural principle to incorrectly conclude that home schooling is mandated by the Bible. Yet the health care of children is also a parental responsibility, but that doesn’t mandate home-based medicine. The only thing we can conclude is that parents are responsible and will be held accountable, thus parents must be free to choose according to their own wisdom, conviction and leading. Parents are free to seek advice from others and to enlist the assistance and services of others in educating their children.
Here are two realities it might be helpful for all of us to acknowledge at this point:
1. All parents are their childrens’ primary role models and educators. No matter how a child’s academic education is provided, his or her parents are the leading influences and educators in the child’s life.
2. All parents rely on outside teachers to help provide the education of their children. I know of no parents who can completely teach their children everything they need to know on their own without using any textbooks, workbooks, videos, web sites, etc. Every time a child reads a book not written by his or her parents, he or she is leaning from an outside teacher.
Perhaps if we can all affirm these two truths, we can see that we have much more in common with each other than our differences.
In his book, Gospel-Powered Parenting, William Farley observes that he has seen children turn out well and turn out poorly from all three educational options. According to Farley, the single strongest influence is not the method of schooling but the strength of the father’s commitment to Christ. Of course, no formula of influences guarantees success, as we all know children from the same home with the same parents who have turned out very differently.
3. Seek to understand each others’ choices.
Once we have all agreed that no single method carries with it the mandate of Scripture and that the right to choose lies with parents, we can take a deep breath, clothe ourselves with some humility and move forward. The best way to move forward is to seek to understand each other. So, why do parents make the choices they do?
Home school: Homeschooling parents love their children and most are simply trying to provide the best education and childhood for their children. Home schooling may be a relatively new movement in the modern, Western world, but it is a centuries-old, time-tested and potentially excellent method for educating and training children. Homeschooling parents are generally taking God’s commands regarding the education of their children very seriously. Many may think they cannot afford a Christian school education, but others could easily afford Christian school tuition but choose to home school instead.
Christian school: Many Christian parents think that enrolling their children in a Christian school is the best way to provide for their education. They teach their children at home, but they see value in having their children taught by other faithful Christians outside of the home in a group setting. They see their tuition payment as an investment in making sure their children are educated from a Biblical perspective in a safe environment. They value a strong, Christ-centered partnership between school and home. In fact, they may even see that raising their children well is a three-legged stool of home, school and church, with all three providing invaluable support of a common goal.
Public school: Many Christian parents choose to enroll their children in public school; even more believe their only practical choice is public school. If both parents must work outside the home to support the financial needs of the family, and they cannot afford Christian school tuition, public school will be the best viable option for them. Still others choose public school because they want their children to be “in the world but not of the world” and to learn how to do that well while still living at home. They may also see their children and themselves as salt and light to their community through involvement in public school. Public schools also have great resources and programs for a variety of learners and taxpaying Christian parents may simply want to take advantage of these programs and resources.
I have tried to fairly summarize the major reasons I have heard for these three options. But the best way to gain understanding is to actually listen with respect and without prejudice or judgment to the reasoning of your brothers and sisters in Christ.
4. Seek to respect each others’ choices.
Understanding should lead to respect for one another’s choices. You do not need to agree with someone’s reasoning in order to make a commitment to respecting their choices. Sometimes we may need to pray for a better frame of mind in this area of life. Each of these educational choices has its advantages and its potential pitfalls, and sometimes it is easier for us to see the advantages of the choices we have made and the pitfalls of the choices others have made. That’s human nature, but that’s not the path toward loving community.
5. Look for ways to show sacrificial love in support of each others’ choices.
Ultimately, though, respect is a key step on the road to love, but respect is not actually love. So, how can we love each other in practical ways?
1. Show positive interest in the education of each others’ children: How’s Johnny’s school year going so far? What’s Jenny learning right now? What’s Bobby’s favorite subject?
2. Pray for each other. Educating our children is never easy, no matter what option we pick. Commit to replacing judgment and criticism with prayer, offered in love.
3. Support each other. Attend each others’ children’s events and activities, if possible. Support the fundraiser or community outreach event of each others’ schools, co-ops, etc.
4. Live life together. Don’t shun or avoid each other because of feared influences or prejudices.
5. Only give advice when asked. Resist the temptation to “win converts” to your method of schooling.
I understand why this is a hot-button issue. Our family has chosen home schooling in the past, even when we could have sent our children to wonderful Christian schools, and we’re now choosing a Christian school for our kids, even though we’re involved in a community where most families are home schooling. My sister is a public school teacher and my siblings have all had their children in public schools, while my wife’s siblings have done a variety of home schooling, public school and Christian school.
I know first-hand the temptation to make your personal choice- your conviction for your family- into an absolute rule for all Christian families. I’ve done it. I’m resolved to choose to love and never to make my choices into someone else’s mandate ever again. Let’s all prayerfully choose to walk in love, in freedom and in community together in Christ! It’s not easier, but it is better.
Jason A. Van Bemmel is a Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church in America. This article appeared on his blog Ponderings of a Pilgrim Pastor and is used with permission.