Four fears tempt every pastor. They are:  1. My fear of me…2. My fear of others…3. My fear of circumstances…4. My fear of the future.

1. My fear of me. 

Few things better reveal the full range of sin, immaturity, weakness, and failure than ministry. Few things will expose your weaknesses so consistently. Few endeavors will put you under such public expectancy and scrutiny. Few things are so personally humbling. Few endeavors have the power to produce in you such deep feelings of inadequacy. Few things can be such a vat of self-doubt. There is a great temptation for your ministry to be sidetracked and harmed by your fear of you.

God finds Gideon threshing wheat in a winepress, because he was afraid of the Midianites, and greets this fearful man with one of the most ironic greetings in the Bible: “The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor.” Gideon essentially says, “Well, if you’re with us, why is all this bad stuff happening?” God responds, “I have chosen you to say Israel from the Midianites.” Gideon says, “You have to have the wrong address. I am from the weakest clan in Israel, and I am the weakest person in my father’s house. You can’t really mean me.” And God said, “I will be with you.”

God’s response to Gideon’s fear of Gideon is very helpful. He didn’t work to pump up his self-confidence. He didn’t work to help Gideon see that he brought more to the table than he thought. Gideon’s problem was not first that he feared his inadequacies. His problem was awe. Gideon failed to fear God in the sense of “God is with me, and he is able.” So Gideon was terrified at the thought of leading Israel anywhere.

My pastorate in Scranton, Pennsylvania, exposed the full range of my immaturity and weakness, and in ways that had been very painful, these were often on public display. I thought I was so ready. I had done very well in seminary, and I was ready to take on the world. But God called me to a very broken, very difficult place, and used this place to yank me out of my pride and self-righteousness to a place where I would find my hope in him. I was hurt, disappointed, tired, overwhelmed, angry, and a bit bitter. I felt God had set me up, and people had treated me unkindly. All I wanted to do was run. I had an education degree and thought I would move somewhere far away and run a Christian school. I had announced to my board my plan to resign. They pleaded with me not to go, but I was determined. So the next Sunday I made my announcement and had a momentary sense of relief. My little congregation was not relieved, so I had many conversations after the service. Much later than I normally left the church, I made my way out the door only to be greeted by the oldest man in our church.

He approached me and asked if we could talk. “Paul,” he said, “we know that you’re a bit immature and need to grow up. We know you are a man with weaknesses, but where is the church going to get mature pastors if immature pastors leave?” I felt as if God had just nailed my shoes to the porch. I knew he was right, and I knew I couldn’t leave. In next several months I began to learn what it means to minister in weakness but with a security-giving, courage-producing awe of God. I am still learning what it means to be in such awe of him that I am no longer afraid of me.

2. My fear of others.

Most of the people you serve will love and appreciate you and will encourage you as they are able. But not all of them. Some will love you and have a wonderful plan for your life. Some will assign themselves to be the critics of your preaching and leadership. Some will be loyal and supportive, and some will do things that undermine your pastoral leadership. Some will give themselves to the ministry in sacrificial acts of service, and some will complain about the way they are being served. Some will approach you with loving candor, and some will give way to the temptation to talk behind your back. Some will jump in and get involved, while others will always relate to the church with a consumer mentality. You will connect with some easily, and with others you will find relationships much more difficult.

Because your ministry will always be done with people and for people, it is vital that you put people in the right place in your heart. You cannot allow yourself to be so afraid of them that you are closed to their perspectives or unwilling to delegate ministry to them. At the same time you cannot be so afraid of them that you let them set the agenda and wrongly control the direction of the ministry to which God has called you. You cannot allow yourself to minister with a closed door, and you cannot be so sensitive to the opinions of others that you are unable to lead.

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