They Excommunicated My Dad

I had no idea what excommunication was. I blamed it for splitting my family and my church.

“The church was split over my dad’s discipline. Some members argued it was right, some argued it was wrong, and others ranged between these two. Disunity struck my family, too. Some of us were confused, others angry.”

 

One Sunday after our church service, the senior pastor extended his hand to greet my dad, one of his fellow elders. Yanking his hand away, my dad jetted past him. I sometimes question why God let that instance from six years ago sear my memory. Frankly, I don’t know.

But I do know that like this memory, God used my dad’s excommunication for good. I hope this testimony shows that. I hope it encourages churches to not shirk what God requires for their good and, most importantly, for his name’s sake (see Matt. 18:15–17; 1 Cor. 5).

I suspect many pastors fear obeying Jesus’s command in this area because they dread the strife that could result. Judging by what happened with my dad and the reactions from my church, my family, and myself, I understand that fear. But I hope this testimony will help you overturn that fear and embrace faithful obedience to Jesus’s commands.

Redeemed Disaster 

I love my dad. Though I’ll reference hard memories, I won’t dwell on his sin here.

Given problems in my family at the time, some church members questioned if my dad should still serve as an elder (see 1 Tim. 3:4). He eventually left the church because he didn’t think these charges were properly handled. Refusing to reconcile with his church and family, my dad—one of our church’s longest-serving and most-beloved elders—was eventually excommunicated.

The church was split over my dad’s discipline. Some members argued it was right, some argued it was wrong, and others ranged between these two. Disunity struck my family, too. Some of us were confused, others angry. As life went on, God brought my siblings to different schools and places. With some of them went resentment for the church and this situation.

I—the baby among five children—was confused. I had no idea what excommunication was. I blamed it for splitting my family and my church. To me, church discipline wasn’t just cold, harsh, and unexpected: it was disastrous. It was an iceberg; my family and my church were the Titanic.

Years have now passed, and today I can tell you the church made the right decision. I can also tell you some ways God used the decision for good.

Through my dad’s discipline, my church protected Christ’s name for its members and the watching world.

Through my dad’s discipline, God drew most of my family members closer to himself.

Through my dad’s discipline, my desire to pastor a local church continues to grow.

All Hands on Deck 

Church discipline is painful. Though I’m tempted to stew on the negatives, I’m humbled when I reflect on how the church came together to support my family during this time. Because we were church members, we were a part of the church’s family; we were one body. Though their efforts were not always perfectly timed or expressed, church members did their best to love my family. They mourned with my mother and prayed for our family—including my dad. Though my family and my church were sinking, all hands were on deck.

This unity through suffering matched the picture Paul paints of the church in 1 Corinthians 12:26. Even though this painting looked messy when it began, it’s turning out masterfully. Indeed, church discipline drove this church to her master, Christ, for refuge. My dad’s sin spread division through the church like cancer. God’s corrective surgery—which in this case was formal church discipline—removed that spreading division. As with any surgery, wounds ran deep, and scars remain. But ultimately that local body, now healed and strengthened, better displays God’s holiness, love, and name.

God didn’t only bless my church family through my dad’s discipline. An example from my biological family shows that.

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