Some men who hold a position of leadership think wrongly that it’s a sign of failure or weakness to appear to be in need of help. They feel that they are supposed to have the answers not need them. This is sad and inconsistent with the gospel. The poor in Spirit inherit the Kingdom, not the proud in spirit.

Does it surprise you to know that women are more open to counseling than men?

I can’t tell you how many times a couple has asked for counseling for a marriage or parenting issues only because the wife finally convinced the husband that they could benefit from some counseling. One of the most common obstacles for a marriage or family in need of counsel is a male ego. This is especially true for men who feel a strong need to “be seen” as knowledgeable and wise.

Some men who hold a position of leadership, wrongly think that it’s a sign of failure or weakness to appear to be in need of help. They feel that they are supposed to have the answers not need them. This is sad and inconsistent with the gospel. The poor in Spirit inherit the Kingdom, not the proud in spirit.

Men who are insecure and have a strong need to be right on issues often deprive their marriages and families from the benefits of wise counsel. They need to hear the words of Jesus to a group of men who were posturing for position and recognition.

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me’” (Matthew 18:1-5).

I’ve seen many cases where a wife repeatedly felt a need for counsel and tried to gently convey this to her husband only to face his unwillingness time and time again. These women struggle to know if following a husband’s leadership means supporting his sensitive ego. Some of them, out of deep conviction and concern, finally inform their husbands that they plan to seek counsel even if their husbands are unwilling.

Don’t let anything or anyone deceive you. It’s a sign of weak character when we’re unwilling to seek counsel. It could also be an indication that appearance is more important to you than truth.

It’s not always an admission to failure when we need counsel from others. Sometimes we just need perspective from those outside of our situation to help us see things clearly. In fact, it’s wise to seek counsel as a preventative measure when there is no crisis. But for one to think and act as if he doesn’t need wise counsel is a sign of self-deception and pride.

“Where there is no guidance, the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory” (Proverbs 11:14).

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” (Proverbs 12:15).

Steve Cornell is Senior Pastor of Millersville Bible Church in Millersville, Penn.